The Noise

 "There is more to life, than increasing it's speed." - Gandhi

I must remind myself of this quote on a daily basis.

Currently, I find myself wanting to get things completed quickly. I want closure to the past so I can get on with living in the present and maybe even plan some things for the future. I am in a rush to change my current circumstances and feel that things are simply, not moving quickly enough. I regularly forget that life is a marathon, not a sprint. I should be relishing my time here and not concern myself with the speed of things. This is new for me, as in the past, I had no comprehension of time. I simply did not care, for the most part, on completing tasks. This new found motivation is killing me.

It's time to slow down and allow things to unravel at their own speed.

"Ups and downs in life are very important to keep us going, because a straight line even in an ECG means we are not alive." - Ratan Tata

The passing month's have truly been a rollercoaster ride filled with ups and downs. Lately, I have digested the many changes that have taken place and it has been a lot to take in and I am wearing thin. I experience a slight reprieve when I lay to rest at night. As contradicting as this may seem, listening to music as I prepare myself for rest helps block the outside noise. It helps me reset. Hearing what is being conveyed through song is my attempt to drown out the noise of everyday life. I am still. I allow these words to latch on and take me somewhere far away. It is how I choose to unwind after a long, stressful day. I find that the rollercoaster becomes a flat, straight road, out in the middle of nowhere and I am the only living vessel on it. I imagine the stars overhead. A cool wind swirling past my face as I drift off to sleep. I yearn for that feeling every single evening. I can simply "escape" the daily grind. I am finally at peace, even it only lasts for a couple of hours.

The world is filled with noise. It is an assault on my senses, at times. The constant ringing of telephones, the annoying little bong that notifies me of an incoming email. The mashing of keyboards. The sound of a rickety air conditioner trying to keep the building cool. The discussions of twenty-somethings, complaining about how life is unfair. Every person I speak to has a problem. It is draining. That is my work day in a nutshell.

Music and writing are my retreat and both allow my mind an opportunity to heal.

"Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul." - Marcus Aurelius

I have found that I am most relaxed when I dive inward for brief moments during my day. My thoughts and ambitions have clarity. The noise simply fades away and I am alone. I am able to sift through the emotions and the craziness surrounding me. Those short spans of time help me navigate my world.

Like A Stone -  Audioslave

Insecure Writers Support Group - June 7, 2023

Hello all and welcome.

Thanks to Alex for accepting me into IWSG. I will admit first, I am no writer. I do not have any published pieces and I doubt my ideas at every turn. I am educated but not in the vein of literature, writing, storytelling, etc. I am a technical mind. I post for my own mental health. My hope is that I can touch someone else caught in the throws of mental illness. Maybe even allow them to see that life always has a silver lining, regardless of their current circumstances. I have kicked ideas around in the past pertaining to a short story but I simply cannot get it off of the ground. My hope is that I will find motivation reading the stories of those that are part of this group and with that, become more determined to finish what I started.

Before I proceed, I would like to reintroduce myself.

The name is Nate. I began this blog many years ago and used it as a safe place to dump my mental baggage. After a couple years of posting frequently, I got lost in myself and stopped posting all together.

I will not bore you with the details here but if you feel so inclined, you can catch up by checking out a few posts. I have deleted all of the old material and redesigned this new incarnation of the page in hopes of experiencing a new beginning. I will likely be rehashing some of the older material but with an added twist.

June 7 question - If you ever did stop writing, what would you replace it with?

It was not long ago. I remember it well. I spent a good deal of time golfing and spending time with family and friends. I would look in from time to time but couldn't bring myself to post. I have experienced a great many things over the years and that is the reasoning for my return. I have more resolve and hope to post on a regular basis. I also want to finish something that I started long ago. I began writing what would be considered a "short story" entitled The War West. I lost focus and dumped the idea but have since found new motivation. It is still in it's infancy and I am currently all over the board with where it is going but as the ideas swirl, I find a little bit of footing here and there. I will be looking in on as many blogs as I can that pertain to this group for inspiration, so my hope is to find new relationships and support those who have published pieces already. Reading is a new found joy and I look forward to immersing myself in the triumphs of others. Maybe, if things come together, I can finally finish my story.

As always, I'll leave you with a musical ending. Music and writing alike can stir so much emotion and quite frankly, I have forgotten how important they are to me. I am beginning to reacquaint myself to those things that I had lost track of so long ago. I thank you for your time if you happen along this page. Be well and live happily.

Hanginaround - Counting Crows