Contact me at natewickert(at)gmail(dot)com
A New Beginning
A New Beginning
Good evening & welcome to The Habitual Hobbit. I am your host, ib, & this is my blog. You have somehow managed to stumble into my world & for that, I am sorry. But, while you are here, check out a post or two.
I will start off by answering the who, what, when, where, why and how.
In 2003, I was clinically diagnosed as having a mild case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Now, there are things that need be mentioned because people who have this disorder do not always have the same symptoms. There are mainly two types of O.C.D. The first being…
Compulsive - compulsive personalities are more ritualistic in nature. This type likely performs certain tasks repeatedly because of a perpetual fear that if they do not complete a predetermined pattern, a loved ones, or their own well being, hangs in the balance. In the past, I have had some compulsive tendencies, such as rechecking locks & cleaning a certain way, but as I have changed/matured, so has the O. In my case, I have a variant of the second type, & that is…
Obsessive – Obsessive personalities have very few, if any, compulsions. They tend to obsess about the most insignificant & meaningless meanderings of the human mind. A "normal thought" that a "normal person" would simply disregard may cause me a great deal of anxiety. I will sit & try to figure out why I had the thought. From there, the off thought gains momentum, & will eventually make a mountain out of mole hill. Throughout the entire process, I know that the thought is irrational & makes no sense, but it will continue to nag me until it blossoms into a full blown anxiety attack. Guilt, fear & depression are all a part of the cycle.
I am learning to control the anxiety & avoid what triggers it, but I still have a lot of work to do. Sometimes, I find OCD to be downright humorous. For example, when I get a happy meal, I sometimes stack the fries together in piles according to length. I only noticed this because a buddy of mine was doing the same thing & my wife called us both out on it.
Although, I have been able to find SOME humor in this, many people that are in the throws of OCD do not find it funny at all. All they see is a miserable disorder that places an unneeded stigma on their legacy & robs them of finding any happiness in life.
"O.C.D. is the devil with his pitchfork resting on your back."
~Jeffery M. Schwartz, Brain Lock
The Hobbit part is used as a reference to my height, although, I am probably more average than I think I am, & I happen to be a big fan of J.R.R. Tolkien.
In my humble opinion, Frodo had some obsessive tendencies that one could argue as being OCD. Pippen & Merry both (had to have) suffered from some form of mental impairment. In fact, the only normal hobbit in the fellowship was Sam Gamjee. A Hobbit of the utmost integrity, fearless loyalty & a steadfast will to do the right thing, volunteered without hesitation, to aid Frodo in destroying The One Ring. It is my hope, that one day, I will be more like Sam, & less like Frodo. (Minus the hairy feet & an unhealthy penchant for dancing.)
It has been a roller coaster ride thus far. I have had some good days, some bad days, some numb days, sleepless nights & anxiety overload but it is what it is & the war is far from over.
I use this blog as a place to unload my mental feces & to help anyone that needs encouragement pushing forward. I will share my musical tastes, as well as artwork, poetry & whatever else I happen to put on paper. I will share my faith, but I will not shove it down your throat. I am aware that some do not want to hear of it, and I am cool with that. I only ask that you respect my opinions, as I will respect yours.
Thank You for stopping by.