Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Let Us Review

I figured that I would answer my own questions here, as I believe it to be the right thing to do. My take is a touch skewed, but who is surprised by that, really? If one felt so inclined, I have included names and links to five of the seven chosen for this little manege a ohco and the answers they supplied for the same questions. As soon as Pickleope and Dreamer post answers, I will also link to them.

Stacey at Nail Polish
Haven at Beyond the Borderline
Mynx at Lizard Happy
Jenny at Pearson Report
Jenny at Serendipity's Library

1. Out of the different races of life in Lord Of The Rings, which do you prefer & why? (Answer carefully.)
a. Orc b. Halfling c. Elven d. Human e. Dwarven
I am shocked that only (1) of you answered this correctly. I guess that even when I try to lead you to a conclusion of my own liking, I FAIL.

"Nobody Knows, My Sorrow."
Instead, I read of the desire to have a little metro-sexual elves with pointy ears. I am not sure if you are all aware of this little tid bit of info but it is true, nonetheless. Elvens don't have pieces parts people. They are born unto Middle Earth by unicorns. Get over them. 


2. If today will be yesterday, and tomorrow will be today, What will tomorrow be when it is yesterday?
I don't even know where this question came from but if you follow the...uh...logic, you could only conclude that tomorrow will be yesterday, someday in the near future. Using yesterday, which is past tense, was thrown in as a proverbial monkey wrench scenario, but I had no idea it would throw you all off that badly. I guess.....damn. Would somebody hit me on the side of the head, I've gone cross eyed.

3. Do you consider yourself a writer or a person that places rather large words together to form a sentence, and thus, a story/post/epic?
(I) don't even know who I am half of the time so, it would be a shot in the dark for me to label myself a writer or not. I, when mentally at peace and med-free, would conclude that I am NOT a writer. GOODBYE.

4. If you happened upon a war and you had to take part in it, what would be your weapon of choice?
a. rifle b. sword c. slingshot d. bow and arrow e. dematerializer f. none of the above
I would use nothing more than thy pen, as it has been said mightier than the sw.....whatever. I'll take the .50 cal with variable scope, franks and beans.
Addendum: Andrew, a regular reader of Serendipity's Library, asked the question, "How do you (happen) upon a war?", and I am here to tell you. Questioning the questioner is the easiest way to happen upon a war, and you have done so........Ooooooooooooooooooooohh, no he dittent!

5. If you were stuck on an island with no means of escape, and were given one wish, what would it be for?
Jessica Biel
That is of course, ONLY if my beloved wife was too busy to be there. (Love you Beth.)
I mean, at some point, maybe not during the first year but, going into year two, Jessica would be overcome with lust and have to want to do it,, right? 

"Umm, yes please."

6. If you participated in the TV game show Fear Factor, where would you draw the line in regard to consuming odd "meals?"
Yeah, I am a touch queasy, so it is very likely that I would exit stage left soon after finding out that monkey testicles were the entree. 
As a side note, NBC has decided to pull the episode where contestants quenched their thirst with donkey semen. Phew!!!!!
Such a noble gesture by NBC. I can just here it now. "We here at NBC value traditional family oriented programming and felt that it be necessary to not air the episode in question. In it's place, we will instead, fill the slot with reruns of 'The Playboy Club' and in cooperation with CBS, 'Criminal Minds.'

7. What is your favorite album of all time?
This is tough one, as I consider myself somewhat of a "music snob", but if I had to choose, I'd go with.....
Counting Crows - August & Everything After


See, it can be done.
I say this only because thus far, everyone has answered this question with multiple answers. If my memory serves me correctly, the question was "What is your favorite ALBUM (singular, meaning One, Uno, Jedna, Ein, Kapeesh?) of all time?

8. What is your favorite movie of all time?
Easy.
What A Woman Wants
NOT
Lord of The Rings: All of them. 
I can do that because technically, they are all equal parts of ONE story.



See, it can be done. Sort of.
I say this only because thus far, everyone has answered this question with multiple answers. If my memory serves me correctly, the question was "What is your favorite ALBUM (singular, meaning One, Uno, Jedna, Ein, Kapeesh?) of all time?

9. Are you taking part in the 2012 A to Z Challenge this year? It may be the last one, depending on your answer for question 11.
Yes. I have decided to put myself through this wicked little venture once again. Yes indeed.

10. If, by chance, you were endowed with one super power, what would it be and why?
X-Ray vision.
Get your minds out of the gutter people. I would use it for my good, to perform M.R.I.'s at a much lower rate than that of hospitals. Pennies on the dollar people. For the people. For Jessica Biel.

11. Do you believe that the Mayans are on to something concerning 12.21.12?
The Mayans, I believe, have miscalculated.
Harold Camping, on the other hand, has it right. He claims that the end of world will begin on 05-21-11. Err, wait, that can't be right. Oh, my bad. It will be 10-11-11. I was way off...err, wait a tic. Not gonna work. Uh, let him get back to us on this, okay? He has to re-calibrate his prophetic visions box.


Yes, I am aware that this song is not on August, but it does rock.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

More Questions

Are you signed up for the A to Z Challenge? 
Why yes. Yes I am. For some, this is not the answer they were hoping to see but, tis' true. Another twenty something posts, each one representing a letter of the alphabet. Last year, I garnered the support of my bloggy moms, Mynxy and Jenny P. (co-host extraordinaire, mind you) and now feel that I owe it to them to progress.
What is your sign-up number? 
I am no. 565. 
Although some of you are saying to yourself, "yeah, add 101 to that number and it would be accurate." you are way off.
Are you ready? If yes...explain yourself. 
Of course not. I have only had a little under a year to prepare and if you lead a life as boring as mine, you lack things to talk about. I could ramble on about my super cool five year old daughter and wife of ten years, today, but I can some that up for you quickly. (My nuggets, in back pocket of said wife and five year old daughter is already telling me what and what not to do.) The DeATh&sTar) laid me off in November and no one wants me to blog (go figure) in return for a monetary sum.
If you’re not ready...what’s your excuse? 
Please see above. I did not read questions in advance so there you go.
If I have to answer honestly, I lack motivation.

So, there you have it.

NEXT!!!!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Questions Part 2

Part Deux

As promised, I have chosen 7 randomly hand picked people to pass this along to and they are as follows. In each invite, the persons name will be of a different color than that of default black and there is a reason. Please continue and love on them a little.

And then, there were seven.....

1. Haven at Beyond the Borderline
2. Pickleope at Pickleope
3. Stacey at Nail Polish
4. Jenny at the Pearson Report
5. Jenny at Serendipity's Library
6. Mynx at Lizard Happy
7. Lil' Dreamer at Reality Challenged

Some of these questions are recycled from somewhere, I am sure, but you are asking me to be witty two posts in a row and that just does not happen.

1. Out of the different races of life in Lord Of The Rings, which do you prefer and why? (Answer carefully.)
a. Orc
b. Halfling
c. Elven
d. Human
e. Dwarven


2. If today will be yesterday, and tomorrow will be today, What will tomorrow be when it is yesterday?


3. Do you consider yourself a writer or a person that places rather large words together to form a sentence, and thus, a story/post/epic?


4. If you happened upon a war and you had to take part in it, what would be your weapon of choice?
a. rifle
b. sword
c. slingshot
d. bow and arrow
e. dematializer

5. If you were stuck on an island with no means of escape, and were given one wish, what would it be for?


6. If you participated in the TV game show Fear Factor, where would you draw the line in regard to consuming odd "meals?"


7. What is your favorite album of all time?


8. What is your favorite movie of all time?


9. Are you taking part in the 2012 A to Z Challenge this year? It may be the last one, depending on your answer for question 11.


10. If, by chance, you were endowed with one super power, what would it be and why?


11. Do you believe that the Mayans are on to something concerning 12.21.12?


So, there you be. Answer wisely. 



Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Questions Part 1

I don't have much in the way of a "topic" per say, but feel it necessary to empty my RAMmentals* to avoid hoarding them for a later date and so, this will also act as a disclaimer to protect me from any P.T.S.D. that may result from your reading this.
(This was written before I knew that I had been tagged to answer 11 questions.)

I have been lacking here and feel bad for it but can not obamasize* it and move forward, so my only option is to frodoup* and get something done.

I have been pre-writing posts for the A to Z Challenge because I learned a hard lesson last year, and that is, one should not try to free post for twenty six consecutive days and expect quality crap to surface. Hell, if it was not for a few lovely ladies pushing me forward, I would not have finished the challenge and/or quit blogging entirely but, I digress.

I have been tagged by Caitlin and asked to answer the following questions, so without further ado.....


1. Cadbury Cream Eggs, yes or no?
To the best of my knowledge, I have never eaten a Cadbury egg. As a lad, I always thought that they were real eggs and the creamy goo inside was afterbirth with a little sugar added. Something about that does not scream "yummy goodness" hence, my current take on you savages that eat them like they are candy.

"DIE ALL YE BIRD KILLERS, DIE!"





2. Do you like to do writing prompts or continue with free writing time while editing?

It doesn't matter really. I lean towards prompts I guess, and only because I suffer from (focus loss) quite often and at least with prompts, I have been given direction by somebody else and need not think of it on my own.

3. Where do you spend most of your time writing?
On my Gluteus Maximus. I do not know of anyone who types/writes standing up.

4. If you could be one person for a day, fictional, real, alive, or dead, who would you be?
Ron Jeremy. No, no, no. Just kidding. If your at work, don't Google that name. You might find yourself unemployed or something.
This is a tough one because I often dreamed about being someone else while growing up, but if I had to choose realistically and right now, it would be Dante from The Devil May Cry. There is something about being an almost indestructible force, schooled in the art of plowing through a demon filled castle with a big sword and guns that are named Ebony and Ivory, that really gets me pumped.



5. What's the biggest writing pet peeve that you catch yourself doing?
:) or :( or 8---> or <3

6. Do you prefer to write on the computer or by hand?
Computer. Who writes with a hand? Honestly.


7. Are you as terrified of having to come up with 11 questions for someone else as I was?

Probably not. After I wet myself, it was all downhill from that point on.



8. Do you like to snack while you write, or does it distract you?
I like coffee. If I don't consume mass amounts of coffee, I end up nodding off and waking up to thirty seven pages of this.....
ajfksdlfj;kljdlkas asdjkl;fasdj;klfjasekfj asl;iskdfh;askeiohfisdknhfkasdfklasdjfklasdjfasdkjfasdkjfsdkfjsdkfjasdkjfasdk;fjasdkjfasdkjfsdkjfasdkjfsdkjfasdkfjasdkjfasdkfjsdkfjasdklfjasdklfjasdk;fjasdkfjasdk;fjasdkfjasdkl;fjasdkfjasdkfjasdklfjasdkl;ljeilfjakldjfkasdjf'jltvgjkidfnmasdkaweriofu sedifj mawerjawel;fjwehyfioawehnrjklbhfrwengtjkbwe4juttttiowrgnmjaweroghiwegh'werignaeripvgnjaerhi'
and a drool soaked keyboard.

9. What is the most mundane task that has given you inspiration for writing?
Playing dad to a five year old female, that just so happens to be more mentally advanced than me, now.

10. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To avoid having it's eggs confused with that of a Cadbury egg, you savages

11. Would you rather write well and never be published or write terribly, be published, and beloved my millions? 
Write terribly, be published and beloved by millions, most definitely.........I already have the write terribly part down to a science. All I would have to do is be loved by all of the fans that I have just duped into buying this garbage.

RAMmental - random access memory used to retain meaningless information in the frontal cortex, compiled by and at the dismay of the subject.
Obamasize - the act of promising change and reinforcing positive motivation to the downtrodden, knowing full well that you are promising the impossible.
Frodoup - the act of a motivationally challenged individual pulling up his/her pants and doing something, even if inspiration is lacking.


I will think long and hard on eleven questions to ask seven people and post it next, as I have ran long and do not want your brain to begin hemorrhaging intelligence.



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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Hooters Make Me Smile



Ladies & Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Hooter.
This be my first valentine from my little girl and I can say this,

"Nothing brings tears to my eyes faster than my little girl."

Monday, February 13, 2012

Genesis of Jeanyus.



Alex J. CavanaughDL Hammons, Matthew McNish, and Katie Mills are hosting the Origins Blogfest and I joined. If I can't motivate myself, I figured that if I keep entering blogfests and contests and what not, I would have to follow through somewhat. In this festival o' blogs, the powers that be want to know the 5 dubs relating to what drove writers to be writers. Although I do not consider myself a writer, I took to it anyway because I so yearn to be cool.


It was an abnormally brisk day on the high seas aboard the Icanta Stayaflote, when I realized my impotency for succeeding at most endeavors was epic and the only thing that I enjoyed, and that allowed me to purge my creative outlet, was to use my abilities as a writer.....

There I was, locked in a dual of deadly wills. I stood there, with only a Dora the Explorer pencil grasped tightly in one hand and a hot pink spiral notebook in the other, staring into the eyes of the beast.....


I heard a shuffling of footsteps in the hallway to my study. Stumbling from behind the solid oak desk, (hand me down) computer desk, I walked blurry eyed, to what I had imagined would no doubt, be a loud wrapping of a child's hand on the door. I only advanced halfway across the room when a white envelope slide from the hall, under the door and into my study. "What was this about?" I muttered while picking up the intrusion from the floor. "A letter, addressed to me?" "This is ill needed tomfoolery. WHO is responsible for this?" I shouted as a swung open the door with force, only to find that no one awaiting for me on the other side.....


Okay, enough of this garbage.

Guys/Gals, I still do not consider myself a writer. I consider myself a guy with a ton of stuff in his head that, if not for this blog, would have imploded long ago. I cannot berate actual writers who excel at the craft and include myself in the same company. That would not be cool and I respect you all too much to go there. I am happy to be nothing more than a bottom feeder in the tank of good writers.

Fare Thee Well.




Sunday, February 12, 2012

Ode To Dr. Suess

Nate Is Late 
(Unpublished Dr. Suess)

Mr. Nate please step right in.
Your late for our date,
tell me please tell me, 
where have you been?

Wait, do not tell me, 
I don't want to know,
let's play us a game,
let our past issues go.

Let us see, we shall see
what we are to play?
A game of tongue twisters
will brighten this
dark day.

What is a wonton? Oh what's
in the meat? Is it a cat, with a hat, that
once walked on two feet?
Or is it meat from a cow,
that we are consumin'?
That is ideal, but don't tell
if it once was a human.

I find it quite funny,
the words that we say.
Some sound the same,
but don't get spelled the same way.

Like won-ton, or won ton or one ton
so amusing.
Let's break it down so it's not
so confusing.

Sally ate won-tons or wait,
was it one-ton
it could have been one-ton of won-tons
all this thinking makes me want one.

maybe she wonaton of won-tons at work,
or got caught flinging her tons
at her friends, with a spork.

Who knows, oh really
who the hell cares,
did you know that ton-tons
have warm inside layers?

You question this, ask Luke,
you will surely see.
He knows cause he did it,
in Star Wars Part III.

And now, we've derailed,
this dinosaur train, I'll leave you with
this thought,
that proves your quite sane.

I have been asked
far too often, what goes on in my brain,
and there, you now have it
your thought process deemed,
rather plain.

Friday, February 03, 2012

Let Love Rule.

This is wacky, I know. But it need be done. Two posts in three days. 

A great blogger buddy of mine has done a little something for me and I wanted to make mention of it.

Stacey at Nail Polish gave me the following bling.....


.....and I wanted to say thank you in a public format.

There are rules for excepting said bling and they are as follows:
1. Thank the giver.
2. State seven random facts about yourself.
3. Forward award to ten bloggers that I deem worthy and let them know bout it.

Stacey, I am thanking you here and would like to dedicate the ending video to you. (Not the topic of song, just the title and the fact that you do indeed, ROCK.

Thing One. I am a big "Cat In The Hat" fan.
Thing Two. I thing Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez will give birth to the anti-Christ if ever, the two were to  shag.(This of course, is only possible if J-Dawg hits it before he realizes that he prefers hot dogs over apple pie)
Thing Three. I hate the news media. That's right FOX News, I'm cyber looking at you.
Thing Four. I pee my pants a little when in the presence of a garter snake.
Thing Five. Watching Curious George is like free therapy for O.C.D. sufferers. The man with the yellow hat has hoarding/neatness issues.
Thing Six. I am very likely, the worlds most horrible gamer, but can't stop playing. I tend to run into a spray of bullets when everyone else is running away from it.
Thing Seven. I am addicted to hearing a southern woman say, "Key Lime Pie." My parents own property in Hot Springs, Arkansas and when we take our yearly vacation down there, I ask the waitress at every restaurant to rattle down the list of pies, just so I can hear them say, "key lime peyyye."


Thursday, February 02, 2012

Crossroads.

It's the first Wednesday of the month and I have been M.I.A. as of late, so I figured that the best way to break out of my current funk, would be to spill the proverbial beans on a new insecurity.



I happen to be extremely insecure about a number of things, and they are well documented. I am insecure when around devil spawned serpents (i.e. snakes), large groups of drunkards and people that think Justin Bieber is "like, so epic." I was insecure every time I played a gig (which was only a few times, thank God) and looking back, I can honestly say that it was the insecurity that eventually made me quit writing songs. But I had never been insecure when writing or drawing until now. Over the past two years, I have had a blast here in blog land and have met some really cool people along the way, but even after gaining a few followers that have decided to stick around and stay tuned in, I am doubting my ability to effectively communicate in word form and that, my friends, I cannot allow.

Recently, I was surplussed (i.e. laid off by some stingy bastards) by the Deathstar and thus far, have had no luck finding employment so, I did what many writers have done and joined the freelancing market in search of a few extra ends. Big mistake? Maybe. I have had little action so far and don't see that changing much. It has only been two months but along with anxiety and insecurity, I also happen to suffer from a lack of patience. Some of you are probably thinking, "wow, this dude is whacked out" and you are would not be all that far off.