Monday, September 19, 2011

Worst Movie Blogfest (Insecure Bloggers Support Group)




Bad movies. There are so many to choose from, it's hard to name just one. I mean, there was,


The Blair Witch Project
A movie that was juiced to the nth degree, only to crash and burn, Hindenburg style. For month's before it's release, we were inundated with promising  trailers and praising chatter about how the movie was based on true events, and with some, going so far as saying that it was going to be the most startling movie, since The Shining. As it turned out, the most startling part of this movie, would be the three minute booger fest/flashlight scene, that will go down in movie lore, as being one of the funniest (scary) movie scenes ever. I've seen episodes of Scooby Doo that had me on the edge of my seat, more than this did. But, as is the case on many of occasion, the end product did not measure up to the hype. Sure, it made a ton of money and there are a couple of people out there that liked the movie. But, to those unfortunate souls, I say this, you can smother a turd in garlic and mozzarella and dub it a turd pizza, if you so choose, but at the end of the day, you still purchased, and consumed, a piece of crap.

Original Cover
Adapted Cover













8 Millimeter
Another dandy release that I added to the pile of turds.
Boy, I can pick em', can't I?
This movie was disturbing, to say the least. Just typing out the title makes me want to scrub my skin with a Brillo pad and rinse off in a turpentine shower. It was not a movie for me, but I digress. If you like creepy movies about underground porn with teenagers, I imagine that it will strike your fancy.
If that happens to be the case, I "kindly" ask that you to exit this blog. GET YOUR CREEPY ASS OFF OF MY HOBBITS BLOG AND TELL THE NEXT PERSON YOU SEE, THAT I WILL PAY THEM, TO BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU ARE PEEING BLOOD.
YOU FLIPPING SAVAGE.
This would be the first of only two movies that I have ever walked out on. The second being Wolf Creek, which makes this list, but would require an entirely separate post, for entirely different reasons.


As a side note, director Joel Schumacher even cut out a significant amount of the films original content so that it would qualify for an 'R' rating.


But, after having said all of that, there is one film that stands alone, atop my "Piece O' Crap" movie list, and it is entitled, 200 Cigarette's.



The star-studded cast was reason enough for one to assume that it would be a fairly decent show, but if that had been the case, we would not be here today, chatting about it. We will start with the players:

Ben Affleck
At the time that this movie debuted, it was not yet apparent that he was being carried by one Matt Damon and the success of Good Will Hunting.
Casey Affleck 
It was not yet apparent that he was born from, such a questionable acting lineage.
Courtney Love
It was apparent that she was an unbelievably untalented musician. It was unfortunately not known, how unbelievably mediocre of an actress she would become. Not that I am surprised. I have since, decided to forgo (anything) that she has been credited with. I have deemed her to be, an evil, soul sucking troll. A modern day Yoko Ono.
Paul Rudd
Yada, yada. Neither good, nor awful.
Jay Mohr & Dave Chappelle 
IMO, two of the funniest dudes around.
If I was in theyre shoes, I would ask that my name be removed from all things related to this crappy movie.
Kate Hudson & Christina Ricci
I must admit that I do not know much about these two, and to critique their work here would be unfair, but I can say, with confidence, that they are easy on the eyes.
Janeane Garofalo
I don't mind her for a short bit here and there, but I begin to envy her pessimism and start wishing that I too, could get paid to make people feel miserable and mundane.

The "plot" is a simple one to understand. It is New Year's Eve in 1981 in New York City's lower east side and all of the characters are en route to some chicks party. The objective is simple and one that most of us are familiar with. (Drinking = Shmoozing = Impaired moral fiber = shagging 'shmoozee' in the back of your AMC Gremlin)



As the movie digressed progressed, I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated, as at no point during the watching of this movie, did I even crack a smile. I was also getting lambasted by my buddies because we opted to forgo drinking beers while watching March Madness at my urging to instead, see this movie.

I continued to get a verbal lashing from said "friends" until, that same group of friends subjected me to over two hours of Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace. We have since decided that we were now "even" and it was okay to put all of this behind us.

Can a Storm Trooper somewhere, please, shoot this jag off.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Anyone Got Some Extra Lithium Lying Around?

Hello and welcome to the Habitual Hobbit. I am your host iB. Some of you may vaguely remember me from a blog that I ran in the past entitled, The Habitual Hobbit. Others may be new to the hobbit and in turn, I ask you to stay, poke around a little bit
(Record Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatching)

This is iB's alter ego, ETAN WICKNERD, and if you do not remember him, then you will most likely remember me. I'm a loud mouthed curmudgeon from the other side of his Longitudinal Fissure and I don't give a fly
(Record Scraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatching)

Sorry.
Mr. Wicknerd is "publicly challenged" and finds it hard to play with others, so please, do not mind him, as he is mostly bark and no bite. It was my intention to reintroduce myself to those of you that have only recently, stumbled onto the hobbit, and forgot that someone actually runs this thing. For those of you that are seasoned veterans, you are not surprised in the least bit for the dry spell and I would imagine that for most of you, it was a welcomed absence.

But, as they say in Follywood, "the show, must go on."
What they don't say is to go on even if you are at work but find yourself staring at monitors that don't change playing mine sweeper for hours on end because there is nothing else to do and there is only so much time that you can play with your phone until that becomes boring and you work by yourself because there is no reason to pay two people to be here to do absolutely nothing except stare at more monitors that don't change and conclude that there really is only so much one can do with his phone before that becomes stale and repetitive all the while knowing that it will not change because said company has informed the old companies employees that their services were no longer needed and that sometime in November they will be giving their walking papers

Happy Thanksgiving & Merry Christmas

Oh thank you for the wonderful and thoughtful holiday gift of unemployment my daughter was expecting a new car but I guess she will just have to wait until she is sixteen so that gives me twelve more years before I need worry about finding a job because my lovely wife has gained employment and may likely and unwillingly have become a sugar mama because overpaid enginerds with a ton of experience are

Like, Sooooooo Like, 1999

and therefore have been deemed obsolete and not needed kind of like black and white televisions that you just throw away without worrying about what it will do to the environment over time and why should you as it is only a little radiation and cadmium that oozes from the broken and leaky cathode ray tube that sits in a land fill for years on end ha ha not funny but I
bet you didn't know that your old TV sets leaked trace amounts of x-ray radiation so it's kind of like you have been administering you and your loved ones little tiny MRI's since you bought your first TV back in the day

(Inhaling Deeply, Exhaling Deeply)

because it is hard work rambling on like this without punctuation marks spaces page breaks and purposely omitting proper grammar because you are trying to get a point across stating that you are sorry for the long break and no I am not ill but have had a lot of stuff going on that has made it impossible not so much but good try to post over the past few days because I'm lazy he's lazy and cannot do two things at once because it causes me..........oh no, I've gone cross eyed, and I can't get up.
In short, I am here still, and so is Etan unfortunately and we semi promise to post/comment more often. So until then, be well. And please, don't expect much from us because this punk hobbit is messed up and lacks motivation something fierce.

I bid you As do I a good evening. a good evening sucka duck.

Enjoy a tune on us. It is not my favorite band, but the song title is fitting, if you take the context of this entire post, into consideration.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Insecurahobbit.

Insecurity.

I loath the word, in most instances that it is used. Just saying the word, makes me feel, uh, insecure. I would rather not admit to it, but it is an issue for many that deal with anxiety disorders like devil O.C.D. I question my abilities everyday.



Oh, what I would not give to be "normal", but as it turns out, I am not the only person in the world that questions themselves. There are a few others, and they have started a gang. While catching up on posts from others, I came across this really cool deal that Alex J. Cavanaugh has come up with called, Insecure Writers Support Group. I urge you to check this awesomeness out. The next prompt should be a pretty interesting one, Worst Movies Ever Blogfest. I will let Etan Wicknerd (Etan is my Alter Ego, for more on him, go here) have a go at this one, as he is less likely to hold his tongue.

I will be back soon, with a real post that is, as I will be returning to work on Wednesday. For those of you that are new to the hobbit, you will find that (Me at Work = Time to Post), as an impending layoff has lightened my workload and made for an abundance of monotony.

Be sure to visit Alex and sign up for Worst Movies Ever (Insecure Blogger Support Group next prompt)



Thursday, September 08, 2011

Please Help The Martins.




Hey y'all, Heather over at My Husband Ate All of My Ice Cream needs some help. Instead of explaining it to you, click the following link. http://helpthemartins.blogspot.com/

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Labor Day, My %@#

All those that have to "work" during the 'entire' Labor Day weekend, say I.

" EYE "

Okay, trust me, it is not what I would have planned on doing, but I guess that it is what it is, and what it is, is a paycheck. Nevertheless, I don't have to like it, regardless of the fact, that it holds 'significant' monetary importance to my family. And, to make matters worse, it is the same Gestapo company, that four short weeks ago, informed my group via conference call, that our services would no longer be needed. Although we have not been given a firm departure date, it is likely going to fall somewheres during the middle of November. There is nothing more awesomer than being told that you were getting the boot, a week or two before the holiday season begins. Awesome. Thanks. You are too kind. Monkey's But, I am not bitter.

Moving on........

If you happened upon the last post, you will remember that I was tagged and asked to share my Seven Deadly Links with you all. So, I did, but I forgot to do the whole "follow the rules" thing and tag others.
So, I will do it now.

Dafeenah at Dafeenah
Beauty from Pain. I cannot describe Dafeenah any other way. Her posts are painful to read at times, but she radiates beauty throughout.

I'd like it if Ellen would post more frequently but I'll take what I can get. Interesting, is how I describe her writing style, and it is one that is all her own.

Al Penwasser at Penwasser Place
I would describe Mr. Penwassers' sense of humor as "corky" thus far, as I have only been following him for a month or so, but his Seven Deadliest has 'Classic' written all over it.

In her profile, she uses the word doppelganger. What is there not to like?

Lazarus at The LG Report
Laz speaks of himself in the third person, which The Habitual Hobbit appreciates, very much.

Want inspiration? Go and visit Shanda's blog. She has a turtle named Tony. She is a Missionary and exudes a quiet confidence.

So there, it is done. Six more people for you to follow. So, go now and begone, (after viewing Adele, that is.)
Adele, a feverishly talented artist will take us out. Haven't heard her? The planet that you have been living on will thank you when you return to it and share her music with it.


Saturday, September 03, 2011

Tagged & Beaten Into Submission By Revlon, Sort Of.

I have been tagged by a lacquer loving lass that hails from the Lonestar state, by way of Kansas, I think. I mean, I would only know something like (that) if I was the creepy stalker type, but I'm not. I'm more the stockher, type guy. Big difference. Err, this has started out, somewhat odd. Let's change the subject, dig?
After that derailment, some of you may be asking yourselves questions like, Why? What? Where? Is he going to enjoy prison? Or maybe, you just want to find out who this lovely lady is, that I speak so highly of.

Her name is Stacey. Her blog is Nail Polish. She was asked to reveal her Seven Deadly Links, and in doing so, she tagged me, as it was a prerequisite of being tagged, herself. I suggest that if, by chance, you have not already done so, click the link to her site and join her menagerie. Just don't stalk her, because this hobbit will become fowl foul if another moves in on my territory moves in, and steals her heart.
So, without further ado,
Seven......Deadly.......Links.

The color scheme for this number seven kind of makes the whole "7 Deadly" thing seem much less dramatic, you agree?

My Most Beautiful Post: My Angel (Sappy Dad Story)
Easy cheesy. (Yeah, I went there.)

My Most Popular Post: Centennial Achievement
Go figure. It also happens to showcase guest posts from Jenny at The Pearson Report and Mynx at Dribble.

My Most Controversial Post: A Question To Half Ponder

I do not think that any of my posts have raised many disapproving eyebrows but if I have to pick one, this is it. The world today seems mostly secular, as religious extremists of all denominations have soured many peoples willingness to believe in an omnipotent being. 

My Most Helpful Post: Quick Plea
I chose this one because of it's intent. It will likely not make much of a difference but I felt that, on the off chance that it could aid in finding Lauren or catch the attention of someone with pertinent information regarding the case, it couldn't hurt to put it out there. I know that if I was in this situation, as a parent, I would appreciate every bit of exposure that I could get.

A Post Whose Success Surprises Me: For All You Computer Nerds
This is my second most commented on post, beat out only by Centennial Achievement. That should sum up what the people think, when pertaining to this blog. I think that I will have more guests post and start asking more stupid questions that need not be asked/answered.

A Post that Didn't Get the Success it Deserved: Dave & Defeating Doubt
No comments. Very few, if any, views, reads, blah, blah, blah.

The Post I am Most Proud of: Lucille
I just like the flow of it, I guess. Something about the "blues" scene, just grabs me. And besides, who doesn't love them some B.B. King?