Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Five Things I Think, Tuesday August 30th

Five things I think, is brought to you by....



1. I think that I have endured enough anxiety over the past few days, and it can go away now. Seriously.
It has been a while since my last post. I simply have (not) had much to say. I would like to thank my friends for leaving nice little notes of reassurance concerning the lack of activity and such on Blogger. I find your comments extremely comforting and I appreciate them all.
In the midst of losing my job, my wife gaining employment and me being responsible to take care of  the little lady, the stress associated with said changes has opened up the flood gates for anxiety and the "devil O.C.D."


This Is Your Brain On Anxiety.
And, while today was a remarkably better day the yesterday, I still have residual jitters. I must tell myself constantly, that my daughter is four, not fourteen, and it is normal behavior at her age to ignore daddy, etc. Knowing that has not lessened the frustration yet, but it is a work in never ending progress. I just pray that I am able to get a handle on it before I lose my sanity.


2. For those of you that were directly affected by Irene, I pray that you find your home and possessions unharmed, as it is likely going to be difficult enough, to see the aftermath. And, for families that have suffered the loss of loved ones, I pray that in the coming weeks, you find comfort.


3. I think that it is about time for politicians to simply, SHUT UP. I get disgustipated (whenever) one poops out of their oral fixator, ranting and raving about how he/she would do things better differently. When it gets down to it, you will likely make things worse. Burger King, Taco Bell, McDonald's and Dairy Queen are always looking for summer help and that way, you would still be a field that would allow you to serve us crap on a daily basis.
 4. I'd like to think that I am a decent person, considering the number of horrible decisions that I have made along the way. I am finding it harder as of late, to add my two cents to topics of discussion that I have a passion for. As I am walking a seemingly (unknown path), I am becoming more and more humbled. I am finding that I don't know much of anything, I was never (all that cool) and at times, I am a walking contradiction. (Example, read 3 & then read 4)


5. I think that it is always cool, when you find that a peer has thought enough of you to offer up a good word and some recognition. Jenny at Serendipity's Library, has done just that. Behold........

Liebster Blog Award

And, as we all know, there are rules that come with most awards and they are as follows:

The Liebster Blog Award is given to blogger's with less than 200 followers, all in the spirit of fostering new connections.

 Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
I am not worthy!!!!

Choose 5 bloggers to pass said award on to, with links.
Thank you Jenny. You are a wonderful, attractive, young and vivacious. A woman of endless grace and mercy, having toppled goddess-esq status, along with Jenny at (Pearson Report), Mynx at (Dribble...), Sith Haven at (Asylum Within), goddude's Danger Boy at (Dangerous Leanings) &Vinny C at (As Vinny C's It)
 
Post the award on your blog.
Dun Did It.

Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the internet—other writers.
Currently basking.
I have my aluminium foil hat on as a precautionary measure to block those pesky sun rays from entering my brainal cavity. I have applied 200 SPF, to block those pesky sun rays from turning me into a walking raisen skin and a jock strap to protect my bits from being drop kicked by any jealous passers by.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Feeling A Little Twitchy Today.

I was thinking to myself today and had a thought. (Talk about redundancy)

Maybe I should give up the blogging business entirely and become a professional commenter. I feel that I am much wittier when adding my take in smaller bits and pieces. Anybody agree?

Something has me somewhat perplexed.
Until recently, I have never really felt the need to seek out affection, approval, etc. In elementary school, I was shy. I would often times, get anxious when recess approached because I knew that I would be asked to play kick ball. In high school, I was known as the "quiet kid." I was consumed with the sport of soccer and dedicated myself to it. During college, I became more outgoing liquid courage but still opted to take the long way around a crowd instead of busting through the middle. But recently, I checked the stats page-widget- thing, because I have noticed a sharp decline in activity and although I have not lost anybody, one could conclude that I am no longer duping readers into believing that I am indeed, cool.
So what gives?
Is everybody on holiday or, have I worn out my "welcome"?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I'm Happy As A Pig In Excrement & Gangsta Dr. Suess



The last two weeks have been somewhat (trying) for the Hobbitzes. On the same day that my wife was offered a nursing position that she had been aggressively pursuing, I would arrive at my place of employment to find out that "your (my) position with the company is being eradicated, as the company has been forced to make the difficult decision, in it's best interest, to move in a different direction." This is not verbatim, but it is close enough. There are many colorful ways that I want to express my gratitude toward the company, but for now, I am going to remain silent. (i.e. allow my frustrations to crescendo, and then proceed to rip said company.) As if being laid off was not bad enough, you might as well add a root canal, a coming wisdom tooth removal, full time preschool (my daughter, not me) and the stress that comes along with combing Monster.com for employment when my field of "expertise" is already critically saturated with people that are much brighter than me. And, just for grins and giggles, add the O.C.D. and, viola, a steaming pile o' excrement that only a plumber could appreciate.

While in the midst of piecing this post together, I ran across a few things that reminded me of that saying that goes something like, "no matter (how bad) you think that you may have IT, there is always somebody that has IT worse." So, I digress....

Found at Yahoo News.....
The headlines read...

* it should be noted that the victim is fine. It was deemed a, non lethal-venomless bite, but experts were not able to verify the species of Satan spawn, as it wiggled it's way back down to the bowels of hell before it could be apprehended and tested. It is believed to be a bite from either, a garter snake(non-venomous) or a copperhead (venomous). (I, for one, am somewhat confused.)


* okay. Pardon me while I change my pants. I seemed to have peed a little, while laughing hysterically.


And now, a few more, quickly.
*there is no reason as to why I find the following headlines humorous, other than the simple fact that Yahoo used them as (headlines) to catch the attention of readers, like me.




and finally.....


We Will End With Song...albeit, not what you have come to expect from one that possesses such a, sophisticated musical pallet as I.
Enjoy.






Tuesday, August 16, 2011

5 Things, August 16th

1. Music is good for the soul. (Some of it, anyway. Marilyn Manson is NOT one of said musics.) There is (something) about rolling down your windows on a sun filled day, blaring a favorite tune that makes for a decent stress reliever on those days that life seems to be getting the best of you. Yesterday, while in the midst of a elongated stress bender, I jumped into the Dub, threw in Coheed & Cambria and headed to the Boarder for some family sustenance. As I drove, the stress's of my day seemed smaller and almost, manageable. I came to realize that they were of my own making, for the most part. Being obsessive and all, sometimes I have a difficult time shutting down the thinking cap.


2. Cars should be outfitted with bumper rails. It would help alleviate some tension, created by those of our species that find it difficult to keep eyes and mind on the task of driving like a human, and not a circus monkey. The roadways would likely be safer for one, but it would also allow you to vent road rage in constructive ways. For example, say you are behind a guy that is driving a Ferrari. Your stopped at a red, and then, as it has been known to do from time to time, the light turns green. Now, the turd in front of you is obviously on a cell phone because you can plainly see that no one else is in the passenger seat of his "hey, look at me. I'm a douche with a lot of disposable income, driving a car that is worth more than your life" talking with his hands and no one else is in the car with him. The light has been green for ten seconds and he has not moved but you continue to wait while he flaps his pedicured fingernails in an attempt to explain his point visually, to the other poor sap that is stuck on the other end of the call. You decide that this jag-off needs a nudge so you honk your horn. Just then, the light turns yellow, and he takes off. You, on the other hand, do not want run the light because there happens to be a squad car behind you. If the aforementioned bumper was installed, you could have given the douche a "nudge" in an attempt to make him aware of the fact that he is not the only damn person on the road and that, it is indeed, much easier to navigate the city, via automobile, if he were to remove his head from his ass.








3. If "The Cat In The Hat" ran for president, I would vote for him.






4. I was once offered a chance to take part in a documentary regarding Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Some of you may have seen or heard of the show. It airs on A & E and is entitled Obsessed. The program highlights people that have the "O" and matches them up with doctor's that specialize in the study of anxiety disorders. Over the span of twelve weeks, the patients are treated professionally while the camera's roll. I think it would have been interesting, to say the least, but I didn't want to involve my wife and daughter, so I decided not to participate.



5. Being a parent is difficult. Not that I thought it was a piece of cake before, but I also hadn't expected the ups and downs to be so, well, up and down. While my little lady is busy being four, not listening, not cleaning her room and not eating food, it is difficult for me to keep my temper at bay. This is a "me" problem and one that I would like to change, so if any of you parents have suggestions, I'm all ears. I want to enjoy this time in her life because in the, not so distant future, I will likely be locked in a white, padded cell, murmuring to myself and slobbering onto my pillow. That is, if I can't reign in some semblance of patience soon.



                                                                                                                                

Friday, August 12, 2011

5 Things Continued August 8th/12th

Sorry for the disappearing act the last few day, as I was busy at work.

3. Where Am I? Who Am I?
I have a fairly decent idea as to where I am, (physically) but more importantly, where am I mentally, spiritually? As of late, I feel a little overwhelmed with life and it has made me over-think my role, as it is now.

4. Last night, I laid down with my daughter and watched, as she drifted to sleep, and I began to tear up. Such a beautiful little girl that sees the world with little, to no bias. In her mind, things are well. She has not yet been corrupted by the idiocracy of the earth's majority.
So, what does she dream about?

5. On a lighter note, I love football. I was beginning to get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach while the lockout was ongoing, but now that the players and owners have come to an agreement, football is back. There aren't too many things more frustrating than watching/listening to a bunch of millionaire's complaining about money.



                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Monday, August 08, 2011

Five Things I Think?

If I was offered a job to blog full time, I would do it. It's not that I think that I am spectacular at it, or even believe that I would amass great wealth. I just enjoy writing. The work days seem to be getting longer and I cannot (honestly) say that I am thrilled with my current plight. But, as the job market continues to become disturbingly scant, and the fact that I make decent monies right now, it is difficult to justify looking for something different. Please, don't get me wrong, I am appreciative of my employment and I am blessed to have what I have but, at the same time, I also want to feel as if what I am doing will make some sort of difference. Currently, I do not feel that I am, and it is breaking balls. So, if anyone has an open position that needs filled in the blog department, I could be your dope.

Seeing how, it has been two days since I wrote the above paragraph, and no offers have sailed my way, I figured I would, at least, add onto the back end of that wee bit of depression, with something a little more, lighthearted.

THE FOLLOWING IDEA WAS STOLEN, BUT WITH APPROVAL BY IT'S CREATOR.


 Five Two Things I think. August 8, 2011

1. For the past few days, I have been noticing how "temporary", the things around me really are. In a few weeks, I will be watching my little girl walk out into the world of full time preschool and a thought dawned on me. One day, she will be walking out of our front door to tackle the world as an adult. One day, she will leave our home, to make her own..One day, she will no longer want me buzzing around. One day, I will no longer open my eyes upon waking, to find her precious face and beautiful brown eyes, burning a hole straight through me, demanding that I get out of bed, and get her morning glass of juice ready, so she can watch "Curious George" and "The Cat In The Hat".

2. I am tired of people. The planet has it's fair share of morons already, and they are multiplying at an unprecedented rate.

I owe you three more "things". Not that you need them, as you have likely acquired an ample amount of findings to form an airtight case as to why, reading this blog only adds to your anxiety.
I may lack drive, but I am not a quitter. I will finish this, just not tonight, as it has been brought to my attention that there is actual work that need be done, as I sit here, at work.

I often times, hear this song when I watch my little girl sleep. I bid you a good night.


Thursday, August 04, 2011

"Oh, No He Dit-ent."


This, is utterly disturbing. On an even more depressing note, there is a heated debate ongoing concerning the welfare of the snake. I, in no way, advocate the killing of animals or partaking in any form of cruelty of animals, but the activists that are arguing in this snakes defense, should seriously consider seeking treatment for being a tool. What of the giant serpant that thought it, a good idea to coil around the engine block overnight, only to emerge from the air vent while tooling down the interstate at 65 MPH? It is likely that when said bastard fell from the automobile, it hit the ground hard and was ran over by several cars before it eventually came to rest. I am not sure if that is what happened, but a dude can hope, right?

Five Things...August 4th, 2011

Being a pioneer of...well.....pretty much NOTHING, I have asked and received permission (from an unknown source) to steal forever borrow a little thing that this "unknown source" has pinned as "Five Things...." It is within these five comments, that you will find a perfect excuse to un-follow my blog and burn the clothes that you now wear. So, without much more ado, I will begin. after this quick word from my sponsor.



Five Things.....That You May Not Want To Know About Me

1. I am not a hobbit. I know, I know, I led you all astray. It was not my intention to mislead you but, we all know how the story goes.........You frequent the Internet and in doing so, realize that no one can see or hear you. So, in an attempt to tell yourself that what they don't know, won't hurt them, you exaggerate a little on certain things. It starts off as a small detail, but as the inquiring minds begin to ask questions, you begin to cover up the white lies with more white lies, and before you realize what you are doing, you forget who you really are. You find yourself in weird places in the middle of the night. A tattoo of a mans name appears on your shoulder blade, but (before) you laid down to rest, it wasn't there. You stumble downstairs to find a female (thank heavens) claiming that she is your wife and another female, albeit, smaller in stature, that shares your facial features, tugging on your Joe Boxers, yelling "daddy, daddy, play domihoes with me." and "Daddy, daddy, let's go to A&W and get a root beard floatie" and all the while, you are wondering who this "Jethro" is, and why he has forever stamped you as his property. And, just when you are about to scream, you find.............................

2. I have been clinically diagnosed as having Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Not so much, compulsive. But obsessive, just a mountain sized smidgen. Although, although, I don't, again, I don't agree, it is what it is.

3. My favorite food is pizza. My favorite band is Counting Crows. My favorite one person band is Mat Kearney. My favorite drink is Guinness. My favorite words are savage and curmudgeon.

4. Friends call me Tater (among other things, not considered PG) and my wife calls me her wife.

5. I am extremely uptight and ridden with anxiety. I have an all consuming fear of devil spawns snakes and sharks, but find that when I come across video's, story's, picture's, etc. I cannot peel myself away from investigating further. It helps if either myself, or said animal, or myself and said animal are in seperate cages.

And, that is five things that you may have not wanted to know about me, but unfortunate as it may be, now you do. I'll leave you with song, that may assist in removing any scary images that you may have lingering around your head. So, until next time.





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Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Phenomena Explained.

Today, our world is teeming with unexplainable phenomena. These phenoms, have baffled scientists and eluded capture for years while leaving (no real evidence) to support the theories of their existence. In the 1930's, it was The Loch Ness Monster (below on the left) in the Scottish Highlands. In the 1950's, rumors swirled of a ten foot, five hundred pound, Bigfoot/Sasquatch/Yeti, (below on the right) that roamed the U.S.'s Pacific Northwest. This beast was part man, part gorilla.















Nessie and The Squatch are only two examples. Most every corner, nook and cranny of this world has it's own mysterious beings, folklore or myth's. In eighteenth century Western Europe, it was the Vampire. In ancient Greece, people often spoke of the Lycan, or werewolf. Pretty much everywhere on this planet, has been haunted and/or visited by outer worldly beings (i.e. ghosts, aliens) But, regardless of technological advancements and man's lust to seek out these anomalies, we are left with sketchy photos and shaky arguments from "eye witnesses" to bolster said mysteries' authenticity. I, myself, would like to see some clarity as to the existence of the above, if for no other reason, than to shut the mouth's of each sides supporters. Maybe one of our local, on location reporters, could break one of these stories wide open. Then, and only then, will these, eccentric beings, get the attention that they rightly deserve.

Maybe, while in the middle of shooting a Jack Link's beef jerky commercial, the director shares a "harsh" critique of the yeti's lack of talent and gets his head kicked, clean off of his shoulders by the offended actor, who happens to be (a real Sasquatch). Or maybe, while Steve, the local weather forecaster is wrapping up his late night report, he makes notice of the moon being full, only to mauled to death by a hunting Lycan.

Hollywood doesn't help any one's cause, when it rolls out crappy movies with these phenomena, as the movie's main subject. A few of the most tragic reincarnations that come to mind are, Van Helsing (Vampire, Werewolf), The Blair Witch Project (God only knows), Killer Clowns From Outer Space (aliens) and Harry & The Henderson's (Sasquatch), with the only one having avoided this label of shame, being Nessie. But, now that I have mentioned it, some dope will get the idea in his head, and direct said film, with Nessie being the antagonist of the "straight to DVD" movie. Personal bias aside not so much, I fear that if said movie were to be created, it would end up being more, Godzilla-ish and less Jurassic Park-ish.

On a side note, I am not aware of any films on the topic of Nessie, but, I must also admit that I would not be surprised if there is a few tacky porno's out there, loosely based on the animals name. Ex. (The Cockiness Monster) (Nessie does Bessie) etc.


Today, I would like to pull up the proverbial curtain, as they say, and introduce the world to yet, another, un-explainable, but documented phenomena known as the sub human race, unicuman. The unicuman consists of equal parts unicorn and human, and although we do not know much about this breeds past, we can at least, say with certainty, that they do exist.

What we do know is that unicumans are conceived when a human egg is fertilized by the semen of a unicorn. The normal length of incubation is comparable to that of the human birthing cycle with only one exception. Unicumans are born exactly nine month's after conception, and I mean exactly nine month's (to the minute), as being half unicuman deems that the new life will be perfect in all most every way. In utero, the fetus does not receive sustenance via umbilical cord, but by magic fairies that feed the growing child that of pixie dust by means of osmosis. At birth, the newborn will show no physical signs that it is different from that of a normal human child, but in time, it will become apparent that this incarnation has indeed, honed exceptional abilities. Known unicumans that have come forward and admitted their true origin are as follows:


Yes, Justin Bieber is a unicuman and by the looks of it, he is saluting someone with the universal unicuman hello.

Tom Cruise is a unicuman that studies scienunicumantology. It is not uncommon for unicumans to become washed up, addicted to their own face and/or be the proverbial "ass" of the joke.

Ms. Spears is a unicuman that unfortunately, used her magical abilities to aid in her sobering herself after her four year cocaine, alcohol induced bender which eventually found her expecting child. It is not known at the present time, that if a unicuman be impregnated by a normal humans semen, that the newborn child be indeed unicuman, or a mixture. This will be a wonderful learning experience for us, going forward.

Mr. Rodgers is a unicuman that, throughout his lifetime, led a relatively good life by helping children. He is thus far, the only exception to the rule, as all other documented unicuman cases have destroyed themselves, while over endulging in monetary items, becoming addicted to meth and believing that they are perfect, only to find that they are far from it.

As a service to those who are interested, I will send out updated information regarding new studies, trends, cases, etc. All you need do is, make out a check payable to Etan Wicknerd, in the amount of $78.04, which helps investigate these magnificent creatures even further.

Thank you.

Monday, August 01, 2011

Geeking Out

I figured that I would pop in real quick like and share some funnies that I came across while perusing the Tube of You. I found them all on YouTube. The three videos were originally from Machinima.com (A website geared for gamers and geekery) The the first two videos are part of an effort to promote a new site entitled Call of Duty Elite, that will launch in the near future. The third video was done, in my opinion, by someone with too much time on their hands but, it is to the public benefit. Enjoy.

If you want to know more, go to Machinima.

Legend of Karl, Introduction

Karl, Metaphorically Speaking

Zombie Attack