Tuesday, June 28, 2011

To Hopper

Some days, the joys that we cherish in life do not seem to add up, when compared to the sorrow that we endure. And then I look at my daughter. I would die one thousand times over, if I was afforded a chance at look into those big, beautiful brown eyes, before every farewell. It is then, that I am reminded of why it is worth it.

It is beyond my comprehension, to know the meaning behind why we experience heartache. Yet, every time life throws a curve ball, I forget that this whole deal is bigger than I could ever imagine. 

Today, a good friend phoned to tell me some grim news. One of our running mates is not likely going to live through this day. He has terminal cancer. He has fought it every step of the way, and he has done so with a smile on his face. Not even cancer can take his joy away. He will be leaving behind a wife, a daughter and a son. And, through all of this, he told my wife that he was at peace with whatever happens. Our world will lose one of it's better pieces soon and I ask you all to please say a prayer for him and his family, as the coming days will, no doubt be difficult. If you care to listen, I will end in song.

"At My Funeral"

I'll let you borrow this one Hopper, Godspeed.




Monday, June 27, 2011

Someone Got Some Splainin' To Do !

I must admit, I am somewhat shocked.

Ladies, I will break out that speedo picture in just a bit, but I must confess, I'm not much to look at. In fact, I am hideous enough that my wife, God bless her soul, has on numerous occasions, envisioned David Beckham in place of me, while getting jiggy with it drinking coffee and discussing our plans for the day. I understand, I am no longer the man that she married. I am but a shell of that guy. I am nothing more than a big, clumsy, dopey, Enginerd that has been chewed up and spat out by father time. But, I digress.

So, yesterday, I compulsively went about my normal routine. Logged into Blogger, yada-yada, and everything was in it's place. I had (47) followers, (that had not changed for quite sometime) a few new hits, but no tagger-onners. (I don't care all that much because I have already exceeded my expectations. I had (45) more followers than I thought I would have, so, the rest are an added bonus.) But then, something went haywire. I was/am at work and since I my work load (ha, ha. I said load.) is currently slow, I have been able to check in often. Upon reentry, I noticed that the number of minions had increased. I now sat at 48. Stacey at Love the Lacquer had joined the fray. How cool. A wonderfully funny gal from Texas had decided to take the "red pill" and find out how far the rabbit hole goes. But wait, that was only the beginning. While in mid post, a 49th had drunkenly staggered into my mass-ah-cree. Enter Ellen Lloyd at Defenestrated Feet. Following Ellen, came number 50, Liss at Chaos Pie, and after her, who would appear? Number 51, Shanda and A Pause on The Path. Now, what the Sam Hell is going on ...of course, come on in number 52, Gabi at Crazy Socks & Ninja Bunnies. Welcome.

Did I miss something?
Did I get BON'd? Nope. Am I the featured Blogger on s30p? Yeah, whatever. Or, did the judges running Blogger Idol 2011 realize a tragic "hanging chad" incident had taken place and, upon re tallying the votes, found that, I had indeed, garnered a sufficient amount of votes and in turn, necessitated that I be added to "the Top 12 "? Nope. Notta Chance.

Now, what gives? If I am going to pull out the Speedo picture, somebody need 'fess up' on the double. Liss just began following me, and if I loose her already, I will be one pissed off hobbit. I mean, I am happier than...say,

A unicorn, shooting a rainbow out of his/her ars.

Mynxy, did you pull some strings?
Jenny, how smitten are you with me, really? Smitten enough to add followers?????
Drake, what? You think that just because I'm an American, I can't start some shit?
Jewels? Becca? HAVEN?
Randy?
Mom?
Dad?
I best be hearing some answers soon. Until then, I will honor my word. Here you go Liss (& Ladies) Don't all come a' runnin' at the same time, now. I'm only one man.




Saturday, June 25, 2011

***** Reward *****

Can someone please, help a cracker out?
I noticed the following "comment" in my spam box but unfortunately, I did not take French in high school (I opted for German instead but soon found out that it wasn't going to happen) and having already passed Spanish, I dropped out of  language classes all together and went the Art route instead.

I will post a picture of myself currently, wearing a green speedo that I sported somewheres around the fifth grade, on the blog of the first person that can translate this.

Vous avez de bons points il, c'est pourquoi j'aime toujours verifier votre blog, Il semble que vous etes un expert dans ce domaine. maintenir le bon travail, Mon ami recommander votre blog. Mon francais n'est pas tres bon, je suis de l'Allemagne. Mon blog: rachat credit personnel aussi Rachat de Credit fonctionnaire

Friday, June 24, 2011

Epic Fail

First, I would like to extend congratulations to the twelve finalists competing for the honor of being chosen as Blogger Idol 2011. I gave it a whirl but, in the end, I got the boot.

If you auditioned for Blogger Idol and did not make the top twelve, copy and paste this badge on your blog. Display it with pride.
My plea for consideration to be chosen for the above contest is as follows.....

I b The Habitual Hobbit. I am trying out for Blogger Idol 2011. I am able to follow directions, although, I would rather not. I am not considered likable by any stretch of the imagination but I can be if given incentive to be. Friends find me funny, albeit, a touch odd. Family refers to me as being the "oops baby." Acquaintances would rather not be and strangers are thrilled to be. I am crotchety, bull headed, opinionated, medicated and unmotivated. I am obsessive, compulsive, repulsive and impulsive. My blog is kind of cool, where in the background, you will find a self portrait of my head, kind of. It's dark, spooky and all together kooky. I have some minions but I cannot overthrow the government unless I acquire more. The general public will most likely, NOT like me, but they will come back. I am the proverbial "train wreck." You don't like to look at the carnage and you feel embarrassed when you are caught, but your curiosity always gets the best of you, and you slow the car for a look see, just cuz'. I am a fan of the ninja and Kung-Fu Panda's. I have had a crush on Ariel (The Little Mermaid) since my sisters made her the theme of my twenty fifth birthday. I agree with two things, the first being that there is "More Than Meets the Eye," when speaking of Transformers and secondly, that we did not come to life by way of some big ass explosion. We were created on purpose, for a purpose. I am worthy of being "Blogger Idol 2011" because I am. I am not cocky, I am confident. I am confident that this self portrayal will be deleted before it is even read, because IT.......IS.......THAT.......GOOD BORING. 
Sincerely,
IB
Where did I go wrong? 
Was it the "big ass explosion" comment?
Was I being too self deprecating?
Is my blog that bad?

I offended people by admitting to having had a Jones for a cartooned mermaid, but that can't be held against me, mermaid's are real, I tell you. 


Have you ever seen/heard of the movie "Splash?" Daryl Hannah walking around N.Y.C. butt naked ring a bell? If I were Tom Hanks, I would have allowed her to stay at my place too. So, she loosed her flukes in your bathtub. Who cares? That is a minor detail that could have been explained on the second date. 

Oops, I have gone way out of bounds here. I'll just go, before I say something that will bolster the notion, that I am indeed, full of poop.

I'll leave you now, with a cut by the band, Dispatch. Song is "Elias" It has nothing to do with this post but it is an awesome song that may aid in keeping some of you around. See ya.


Thursday, June 23, 2011

It Is Almost Time

One down........six days, seven hours, five minutes and forty eight seconds remain, in this, my current eight day working rotation that started yesterday.
I know, I should not be complaining. I am employed by an absurdly large company, that pays very well, but the red tape that comes along with working for the man is beginning to irk me. I am irked.

I need a hug.

Tomorrow, the finalists will be named for Blogger Idol 2011. Heather, owner and author of "My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream" is heading this thing up and leaked a smidgen of info pertaining to the sexual identity of the twelve finalists. Seven chicks and five dudes. Normally, those are the kind of odds that a dude likes to hear but in this case, it dwindles my chances even more so than previously estimated. So, in order to brighten my mood, I have included this picture............



And, this one...

And, a song that will serve as my anthem after hearing the news of my failed audition. Later.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

One Man's Ode To The Zoo

Recently, my wife, my daughter and I packed up the Subaru and ventured out into the world to fancy the local zoo. Bear loves monkeys so it was only fitting that the story below, did indeed take place. Now one must know that the zoo in our fair city is a nice one. It consistently rates in the top ten nationwide, as far as the number of displays, size, etc. and is fairly inexpensive. So, I figured I would share our zoo visit by with blogworld, while adding my own little (twist) of humor to make this less painful for all of you.

Off to the Zoo

As you can see, Bear is ready to go. She has been waiting forever, hence, the suitcase, packed to the gills with her favorite Cars characters, fairies, princess's, miscellaneous Zoobles and Peter the Rabbit. She would have brought her entire collection of pillow pets had I not nixed that nonsense and limited her stuffed animal entourage to just one.

Now, I must preface this by admitting that, if I were a superstitious man, I would have turned right around and left after having witnessed the act below. But I am not, and so, we move forward. And I figured that the next best thing that I could do, would be for me to perform a public service and mention it here

Funky Monkey Butt Lovin'
It must also be said that this post would have taken on a whole different meaning, had these monkey's been "doin'  like they do it on The Discovery Channel" (butt), it was an innocent instinctual act that is commonplace for primates to perform.
There are two monkey's in the picture. Monkey number one is laying on its face with its butt in the air. The second monkey is walking toward the tree, (butt) before this shot was snapped, monkey number two was behind monkey number one, "grooming" its counterparts bung. And this is the first display we came across. My daughter asked me what monkey two was doing. I told her that they were cleaning each other.
(I almost loosed a reply that I would have come to regret.)


Moving forward, quickly........we came across a few more species of primate, an American alligator, a hideous crime against nature Burmese python, two lions, a leopard (my favorite), hyenas, lemurs, more random monkeys, otters, sea lions, a red panda (pictured above) and a couple o' giraffe. None of which, I might add, were doing anything that could be deemed as scandalous, except for the boa constrictor, it was breathing.

All in all, it was a good time. Bear was happy, wife was happy and the monkey's were (obviously) happy.
And, while we are on the topic of happy monkey's, let's wrap this thing up with song, performed by Jack Johnson.


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Top 10 Lists


Top 10 Jobs that incite Depression


10. Nursing

If I was to make a list such as this, I would have stuck nursing in the top five. But that's just me. In the field of medicine, you are dealing with people that are suffering from some kind of physical or mental impairment. It's a thankless job and patients are more prone to become cross because being in pain pisses most of us off. My wife and both of my sisters are trained in the health care profession. My wife worked in orthopedics. My sisters both work in a hospital environment, one being a respiratory therapist and the other, a nurse in the intensive care unit. The latter, works with critically ill patients AND their family on a daily basis. Not only would I suffer from mental breakdowns caused by watching patients pass on, I would also be unable to keep my foot from harshly entering the ass of know-it-all family members that happen to be visiting said patient.

9. Food Services Staff


I am going to leave this one alone. Kind of. The lunch lady that plopped food on my plate in elementary school still has me waking up during the dead of night, disoriented and begging my mommy to pack my lunch so I would not have to face that wretched woman. I contend, even still today, that classmates didn't "move far away." They were served as hamburgers on Fridays. She was such a savage.

8. Social Worker

Another no brainer.
Let me get this straight. Your responsibilities may include one or all of the following.
- Work with children that have been abandoned, beaten, etc.
- Confront "parents" of said child.
- Take children from their family and place them in foster care, if warranted.

7. Health care Workers
See #10.

6. Artists, Entertainers, Writers

Again, no brainer. Throughout history, many artists, philosophers, entertainers and writers have suffered from some form of mental illness, whether it be O.C.D., Bipolar Disorder, Social Anxiety, Clinical Depression, etc. Vincent Van Gogh, Friedrich Nietzsche, Howard Hughes, * Many musicians have been diagnosed with clinical depression. Two that come to mind are Shannon Hoon, (Blind Melon) and Kurt Cobain (Nirvana). I would imagine that Shannon and Kurt suffered from more than depression alone, but I am no doctor.

5. Teachers

I agree with this one making the list, as teachers are asked to babysit children all day long, and if that isn't enough, they also have been charged with educating our little monsters. I couldn't teach, for I have very little patience. I know what you are thinking. Your are thinking, "but, your a dad." Yes, I am, and I am working on patience. One is okay. Twenty in the same room would put me in a wooden box.

4. Administrative Support Staff

This is no surprise, as administrative staff are surrounded by company brass all day, everyday. I know that painting C.E.O.'s and the like with the same brush is wrong, and I know that there are good men and women who own business's that truly do care for and respect their employees. I just haven't met many. 

3. Maintenance & Grounds Workers

This one surprised me, as I would not have even thought of this field as one that was considered to be a breeding ground for depression.

2. Financial Advisor & Accountant



Duh. Let's see here. They are responsible for investing peoples hard earned money into stocks, etc. and if said stock goes into the toilet, these gambles turn into issues that (will) affect peoples lives negatively. I don't even trust myself with my money, why would I trust someone else to mess with it?

1. Sales Representative

  One word people, Commission. If you sell, you get paid. But if you don't sell, "no soup for you."

So, as I have been leaving you all with music pertaining to the post, I will continue on with this. I am stealing this idea from Lance at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. So I bring you,

Ben Folds performing Fred Jones Part II


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Quick Plea

I am aware of the fact that most of you do not live here, in Indiana, but it matters not. Since June 3rd, around five a.m. Lauren Spierer (Button on Right) has been missing. She is attending Indiana University in Bloomington. The family is searching tirelessly and any bit of prayer, donation or information that could aid in finding her would be appreciated. I do not know her but I can say this, if my daughter were to ever go missing, there would be no rock left unturned and no lead ignored without investigating it first. 


Saturday, June 11, 2011

(V) Stands For Victory. The End Is Nigh.

A to Z Complete (Or, will be after this)

V

Whaddayaknow? I would not have continued this had it not been for the constant badgering from the likes of Becca, Mynx and Jenny. Thank you ladies. Now, on to the show.
"What's your vector, Victor?"
That phrase has been immortalized. It has been included in a list of the top 100 best movie quotes ever. The entire  quote goes something like this.

Roger Murdock: Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency, 123 point 9'er.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Captain Oveur: What?
Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9'er cleared for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Over.
Captain Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over!
Roger Murdock: What?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?

Quote above found on IMDb website.
And, it has nothing at all to do with this post except for the usage of the letter V, but I do think that it is funny so I threw it on here.

Todays post is the last of the A to Z Challenge for this hobbit, so the V represents VICTORY.
I know. It's only a month and half too late. Everybody else has been done with theirs, you say.
I say, bite me !!!
You say, your posts were horrible.
I say, yep.
You say, your blog is crap.
I say, no doubt about that but, I posted crap for all twenty six letters of the alphabet and had fun while doing so. I made a few new minions friends and managed to pay off entertain a few of them. I also learned that the majority of bloggers are much more talented than I, and to prove the theorem, I entered the Blogger Idol Contest.
I will leave you now with, what I feel is an extremely appropriate song for this most, anticlimactic of occasions. Enjoy.


No "one person" was stoned on any illegal drug during the recording of this video. Except, maybe the lady at approximately the 6:00 mark, and/or maybe the dude dancing on the left hand side of the screen.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

(X) Stands For Excellence

A to Z Challenge Not Completed: V

X

Last night, the family and I packed into the Subaru and headed a click north to the movie theatre to peep "Kung-Fu Panda II", and I must say, it was some sweet mojo. As predicted, Po kicked some serious Kung-Fu arse and by the end of the movie, he was even badder than before. He did not use the Wushi Finger to whack the evil peacock. He did say "skadoosh", to my daughter and I's delight, as he dealt Chin with the fatal blow. I won't be that guy, and tell you all of the coolness packed into this ninety minute gem, but suffice to say that it was totally rock star and may very well have left the door open for a third movie. I must admit that even if I was not a daddy, I would have gone to see this movie. I happen to have a somewhat troubling crush on panda Po.
Awkward, huh? Well, it can only go downhill from here so I suggest that you jump ship before it is too late.
Some other upcoming movies of note are:

1. Puss N Boots - (From Shrek Fame) My favorite character from Shrek returns in his very own movie.

2. The Smurfs - Talk about troubling. As a child, I thought Smurfs were cool, but as I grew more wise and started to see "creepy potential" in things, my opinion changed. They began to weird me out. So, as any kid would do, I loaded up the pellet gun, lined them up shoulder to fuzzy blue shoulder, and whacked them all, one by stinking one. I starting with Smurfette and moved right on through the ranks, finishing with Papa Smurf. But, even after having been dispatched to the nether world, it looks as if those furry blue bastard will indeed, get the last laugh, as my daughter demanded that we see this movie.

While I am in the spirit of movie going, I found this little game at Becca's Everyday Life and decided to add my own soundtrack to the fray.


Here is how you play:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)

2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool…

Opening Credits: Right As Rain - Adele
Okay, we are moving on.
Waking Up: Right Now - This Beautiful Republic
Fitting. Song is about taking hold of the moment. 
First Day At School: Fireworks - The Wedding
There would be an explosion of sorts, but I doubt that it 
would be a spectacle. More like a nervous break down. 
I am not all that into high school kids today. Savages, I tell you.
Falling In Love: The Boy's Gone - Jason Mraz
This has all sorts of potential but I cant stop laughing.
Fight Song: The Naming of Things - Andrew Bird
If this is my fight song, this movie would be infringing on "dud" status.
I know I lead a boring life for some, but does this have to be the case 
in dream movie land also?
Breaking Up: Old Man & Me - Hootie & The Blowfish
For the record, my dad and I's relationship is
one that is break up proof, in a completely
 (Platonic) kind of way.
Prom: To.Be.Determined. - Live
It was predetermined by my prom dates parents that I was
not going to liquored up and laid on said night.
Life: You Can't Handle This - 5 Iron Frenzy
Duh!
Mental Breakdown: Strawberry Swing - Coldplay
The song and the chapter are, in no way, married to
each other. So, no comment.
Driving: Cold War Transmissions - Anberlin
I do enjoy rocking out in my dub. Road rage is in these days.
Flashback: Fiction (I Stole Your Car) - Sunny Taylor Band (Local Artist)
I suppose that this is what happens when you break
up with her. Apparently, she wrecks your car to "even up" the tally.
Wedding: Love Found Me - December Radio
It did, indeed!!!!
Birth of Child: Suco De Tangerina - Beastie Boys
The only Spanish that I speak is "dos cervezas, por favor." 
Somebody, help a brother out.
Final Battle: Wenyukela - Ladysmith Black Mambazo
See above, replace Spanish with "isicathamiya and mbube."
Death Scene: Redemption Song - Bob Marley
This is no coincidence people.  
Funeral Song: The Flame - Black Keys
Nice. A bluesy song for a bad, bad day.
End Credit: Dirty Dance Hall - The Zutons
Perfect ending? Not even close. I don't "dance", unless it is 
in the form of S.Y.T.Y.C.D...........WORD

On that note, I'll leave you with song.
Mason Jennings - Southern Cross


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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

(Q) Stands For Qi (Chi) & Buddah Is Messin' With Mine.

A to Z Challenge Not Completed: X & V

Q

Lately, I have been feeling a little out of the loop and in direct relation, my qi is a little, off. At times, blogging is damn tedious. The ebb and flow of followers, readers and comments is frustrating. Maybe for some, the whole follower thing is overrated, but in my  mind, it is one of the main reasons why I do this. I am a fan of interaction. I dig the back and forth banter that goes along with sharing your thoughts in a public forum such as this. So far, I have received nothing but respect and encouragement from all that have read/follow and it is much appreciated, but I can't help but to wonder if my  speaking of faith outwardly has brushed some "would be readers" away. I am not ashamed of this, but I know that the mere mentioning of said subject causes people to roll their eyes and think to themselves, "oh crap, he's one those religious quacks." I have been told as much by people that I now would consider to be close friends. My life, as it is, is an open book. I am a broken man underneath my earth suit and I am not so crass as to say otherwise.

Tonight, my wife and daughter and I are going to see Kung Fu Panda II. I may be even more excited than my daughter is, and she may very well pee her pants as we are walking up to the snack counter. I just hope that I am able to keep myself from wetting my own tighty whities. (I know, some of you may be repeating "Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day" as a way to block any mental pictures that may be lurking, and I totally understand)



I also wanted to ask you all to click the Blogger Idol button on the top right. Your not voting or anything but if anyone is interested, it should be EPIC. I submitted my entry yesterday but I am sure that you need not worry about me, as my entry may get chucked just because.


Sunday, June 05, 2011

(Y) Stands For Yahoo Cares?

A to Z Challenge Not Completed: Q, X, V

 Y


As I have mentioned before, I detest most things news media related. In a world that sees it's share of dumb ass-idness, there is very little that escapes the attention of said media and therefore, we are inundated with news that is not newsworthy, at least to mine eyes and ears. Example, on Yahoo today, the "Trending Now" area is a quick glimpse of what is making noise presently round' the world. 


1. Selena Gomez, teen idol, "musician", etc., was forced to remove painted pink horses from her new video in an attempt to hush animal rights advocates that raised Cain about animal cruelty, and, I do not agree or disagree with either argument. Among those who made public statements bashing Gomez for the heinous act, was the "angelic "musician"" Pink, who was quoted as saying the following on her Twitter account.


"If there are any animal activists around Malibu - at Leo Cabrillo State Beach, there are horses being painted for a stupid music video. Shame... Artists should be more aware and responsible for their actions."


Really? This has been deemed trending and important? To (who)? I would like to know who needs to know about a sparring session between two talentless people that have made a mint by duping the public into buying their crap music. Yeah, they may be easy on the eyes for some. But I must confess, I would be willing to go door to door, Jay and Silent Bob style, for the opportunity to punch fans (of these people) in the ear. 


2. China is accusing the U.S. of launching a "Global Internet War." Seriously. I guess China could consider this as a sniper shot across the bow of their proverbial ship then. The Internet war is small and harmless when compared to (knowing) about the usage of lead based paint to decorate our children's toys and/or fronting hush money to curb reporting of the deadly assault that killed several college kids mourning the loss/peacefully protesting of Hu Yaobang, on Tienanmen Square back in 1989. After said killings, Chinese officials banned international news media from the country and filtered the internal media's reporting to "soften the blow." (Normally, I do not mind the media shutting face. I would prefer it.) The following song by System Of A Down is loosely related to this attack and how  governments worldwide attempt to throw dirt on top of injustices to save a little face.




3. Anything related to Justin Bieber's tattoo, "love life", "music", etc. 
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