Thursday, March 31, 2011

Death. Coming To A Zoo Near You

Okay. I do not know about all of you but I must reiterate my position when it comes to snakes. I don't like them. They are creepy. They are sneaky. They kill people. And now, they have figured out a way to escape from their cage at The Bronx Zoo.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, you read co rectally. I happened by this story while looking for material that would benefit my ever growing finger fetish following, or, FFF, as I would have it. For you noobie mus-turds, you can ketchup by clicking here. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now that you have had a refresher, I shall continue with a few new visual reminders.
Shall we?

"I'm gonna eat your head, and your
mothers head. At the same time."

This is just not right, not rite at-tall.


That is just F'd in the A, Bee !!!!!

The twenty-four inch long devil spawn Egyptian Cobra that escaped from it's cage last Friday was found coiled up in a dark corner of the Hotel O' Death Reptile House display today (Thursday) according to zoo officials. It was said to be in "good spirits" (whatever the hell that means) and showed no indication of having sustained injury or death. (Damn it)
Now, if they could find that damned gynormous alligator* that was flushed down the toilet by some careless scientist back in the early eighties that ended up eating, like, half of the population of New York City, all would be well in this world.

Yes, my fear of snakes is this bad.

*Reference from the movie Alligator, released in 1980. The plot is as follows:

Angry father,
flushes daughters baby alligator down toilet,
baby alligator feeds on the "disposed of" corpses of laboratory animals,
baby alligator gets flipping huge,
People of Chicago stroll along, oblivious to the growing gator under their feet,
giant baby alligator decides that it is tired of eating table scraps,
giant baby alligator throws a coming out of the sewer party and eats several humans,
humans get fed up with giant killer baby alligator eating humans,
angry humans decide to hunt down giant killer baby alligator,
giant baby alligator takes out a few more humans before meeting it's maker, who happens to be the daughter of the dude that flushed the gator down the toilet,
daughter blows up giant killer baby alligator, ending the carnage.
Roll credits,
Wait, well, what do you know,
tricky director guy has one more scene,
baby alligator on screen falls down into sewer,
screen goes black,
I smell sequel.

In other news,
Former Major League Baseball player Barry Bonds' former "professional shopper and aide" testifies to a ..........blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. People, he's a juicer. Just another professional athlete that has done something that he shouldn't have according to league rules. Why it is being tried in supreme court? I do not care to know. Another fine example of our judicial system's main focus, MONEY.

My fellow Cleveland Browns Fans were rated as the fifth worst fan base in the NFL, according to some list maker guy on The Bleacher Report. I agree, we can be a bunch of drunken idiots if the mood is right, but understand this, we loved our team and that evil stooge Art Modell broke one off in the entire city of Cleveland and moved the Browns to ........I just threw up in my own mouth........and left a bunch of die hard and loyal football fans with no football team. And yes, I know.
* Fans did pelt the field with beer bottles after the referee's overturned a call that caused the 3 - 12 Browns to end the season at 3 - 13. Our frosty beers are now served in plastic bottles. It ends up, one of those ref's got smacked upside his dome piece with an empty bottle of Pabst.
* Last season, a man and his eight year old son were exiting the stadium after a loss to the N.Y. Jets when some drunken idiot fan tackled the kid because he was sporting his Jets jersey. In my opinion, he had it coming. Dumb kid. Know your role, ya Jabroni. (Attention Drake) At eight years old, I knew better than to wear anything other than Browns stuff. Hell, my own dad would have tackled me if I did different.
* Fans cheered when former QB and overall good dude, Tim Couch went down with what may have been a career ending knee injury. I was not one of them. That is just breaking balls.

Later,
ib out
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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lucille

To be honest, I am somewhat shocked.
It seems that a few of you have taken a liking to the writings that I previously posted. You are all too kind. I bumped into them while looking for something totally unrelated. They were written back in the 90's, probably while partaking in one or two too many, Guinness drought and the subject, in both cases, was a lady that I was fond of that bolted to AZ for health reasons that required her to live in a warmer climate. And, as seems to be the case every time I disagree with something I deem as a life setback, the Good Lord gets me back on the road that I should have not strayed from, in the first place. He did that often when I was a strapping young lad of legal age. He has not had to chase me much as I have grown tired of the bar scene.

Here is my "Red" Entry to s30p prompt.

I was feeling down today. I pulled up to an empty table near the back of the room. A girl that answered to the name 'Lucille' was warming up her thing on the main stage. Her body glistened in midst of the low, dim light that burned from above. She changed me into all shades of blue. I could see her shining through the thick smoke that hovered lazily over the cats that sat, one to a table. Preoccupied, with their companion of choice. Whiskey on the rocks or a pitcher of dark Stout. It's funny, how much more clearly, a man can see his faults while looking through the bottom of an empty glass of booze, as he waits for the server to return with another.

It was trance-like in that worn down building. The outside was sagging as if it had heard every bit of sadness the bellowed out of it doors and windows. But the inside, no sir, the inside was alive. It's belly was on fire. Lucille.
Men come from all around to find some peace of mind while watching and listening to this little siren.
Lucille has a way of putting down the devil and changing your reds to blues, especially after the thrill is gone. All types stumble through the doors to this old bar. A man with only one shoe sat at the bar, while a trust fund baby with leaches, disguised as hummingbirds, locked around each arm, sat up front, for all to notice. All wanting to see what the fuss was about when it came to this, Lucille. She been known to break a man down in one strike of her pearl string. She was the queen to his King, dig?
"Nah Red", said a voice from the stage. "Get on your good foot and roll on outta here.
This here house is for the blues." Lucille starting to sing and the people became quite.

Laus Deo kiddo's
Thanks for stopping in.

Monday, March 21, 2011

The House Is Alive, And The House Is Hungry


First things first. I have been fairly crotchety while plodding through the last couple years weeks and, as a side effect, I have been about as productive as a garden gnome. Couple that with the ongoing Madness that is March, the juggernaut that is THE Ohio State and what you are left with is a mediocre blog that is not being posted on. I am surprised some of you have stuck around, to be honest.  

I was somewhat surprised that I was even able to push out 'The Finger' on time, let alone, getting it out at all. I just feel obligated to move forward for yous guys and gals. You are why I do this. It has nothing to do with hoping the one day, Peter Jackson happened on to the site somehow and knew, without any doubt, that I would be the perfect guy to head up a blog for him and his projects.

My blogger buddy Haven at Beyond The Borderline Personality showed her results from a personality test she had taken on her most recent post and it sounded like fun, so I did one too, and my  results are as follows.


  Personality Disorder Test Results




Antisocial
||||
34 %
Avoidant
|||
30 %
Borderline
||||||
54 %
Dependent
||||
38 %
Histrionic
|||
22 %
Narcissistic
|||
30 %
Obsessive Compulsive*
|||||||
70 %
Paranoid
||||
34 %
Schizoid
|||||
46 %
Schizotypal
|||
22 %




*No Crap Cagney
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

After receiving the results, I immediately placed my tin foil hat atop my head so 'they' can not take what's left of my brain. The test made me think of a band that used to listen too. They are extremely morbid but when I would start having an anxiety attack or I was unable to tide obsession, I would throw this album in the player and it would help take off the edge. And to this day, I cannot tell you why. Maybe it was because it was proof that I was not the only one who had off the wall thoughts that meant nothing. I was not the only person struggling with stuff. There was somebody out there that was going through the same kind of thing that I was going through.

The band?        tHa pApER chAsE

The Paper Chase is originally from Texas and although they don't have a huge fan base, the ones that do follow the band are very loyal. Lyrically, the content is disturbing upon first listen. With songs entitled "the house is alive, and the house is hungry" or "at the other end of the leash" where the chorus starts off with "a pretty girl in a wheel chair/who still claims she fell down the stairs/If he touches you again/with those dirty little hands/I'll have to break them". And then there is always "we know where you sleep" or "now, you are one of us" and then my personal favorite, "your kids well grow up to be ass holes".

But what I found most interesting is that as you listen to the album, you become aware that this is no album thrown together with unrelated songs. You start to understand a pattern and soon realize that this entire album is a story. A concept album. And when that sinks in, it takes on an entirely new feeling.

John Congelton is the mastermind behind this macabre little group. While, IMHO, being a talented musician/songwriter/producer, he often uses his own personal experiences as fodder for a songs theme. He experiences panic attacks and in turn, writes as an outlet to calm himself down. I also, have had panic/anxiety attacks triggered by obsessive compulsive disorder and can vouch for how debilitating they can be if you don't seek help. I appreciate the music he creates and I always will. Somehow, it helped me shake loose from bad obsessive days by demanding that I refocus my thinking on something other than the snowball that was hauling ass downhill in my nugget. 

now you are one of us (album cover)
the paper chase
TRACK LIST

-----it’s out there and it’s gonna get you-----
-----we know where you sleep-----
-----the kids will grow up to be assholes-----
-----wait until i get my hands on you-----
-----you will never take me alive-----
-----delivered in a firm unyielding way,  lingering for just a bit too long to communicate the message, "I OWN YOU"-----
-----the most important part of your body-----
-----what’s so amazing about grace?-----
-----you are one of them, aren’t you?-----
-----this song will eat itself-----
-----.....and all the candy you can eat-----
-----all manner of pox and canker-----
-----at the other end of the leash-----
-----we will make you one of us-----
-----the house if alive and the house is hungry-----

I know that it looks bad and even sounds bad after having looked at the song titles but it is not that freaky of an album. 

I mean, it's no Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Mushroomhead and the like. Those dudes are douche canoes. 

Later  


 
 




Thursday, March 17, 2011

APt, He Is Not.

The Media.
There are some that love it and some that hate it, and some that could care less. I tend to lean heavily to the "hate it" side of the fence and therefore, make it a point to filter my intake of the goings on in the world. I am not oblivious to things, just picky. That being said, I was caught with my guard down last night.

There I was, hanging with a few buddies of mine after work. We had just finished watching "Justified" on FX. (Pretty good show by the way.) Fro was channel surfing and happened to stop on CNN. It was not his chosen destination, it just happened to be where he had stopped to finish giving me his take on the show. After his cliff notes introduction and personal opinions, we turned our attention back to the set. Lucky me.

The headline on the screen read, "earthquake in Japan", which, in itself, was not so much a shock. But, what I found disturbing, were/are the following:

1. As CNN reported on the devastating effects of the earthquake and tsunami that ripped through Japan a week ago and the ongoing issues ranging from the intensity of the aftershocks to nuclear fallout, some knucklehead felt the need to bash Obama for having filled out his March Madness Bracket instead of dealing with worldly issues. Now, I am not a big supporter of the President thus far but could someone please find out who "broke" this story, duct tape them to a backboard and pelt said TOOL with a colorful array of paint gun pellets?

2. CNN, as a whole, bites.

3a. Japanese officials reported that radiation readings were not as alarming as originally reported by U.S. officials.
3b. U.S. officials have reported that radiation readings are indeed worse, than originally reported by Japanese officials.
3c. Officials from an undisclosed source have found that radiation levels are stabilizing and do not pose any significant threat at the present time. Normal level is said to be .0sometweekeramountofmicroroentgen, when speaking of daily human exposure. Currently, or as of this morning around 0100, levels were reported to be 12.sometweekeramountofmicroroentgen, which is considered higher (DUH) but does not pose humans to any immediate threat. Now, referencing the "Law As Declared By Me", it says nothing of the ramifications to those who have been exposed for, lets say, the next year or more and it does not take into consideration, the off chance that more reactors melt down and spew larger amounts of radon into the air.
Maybe it's me, but I conclude that this equation is flawed.

4. Obama picked the University of Pittsburgh to win the tournament.

and, on an entirely unrelated note, Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, spoke to media a few days ago. He was asked to give the public his opinion concerning the ongoing labor talks between the owners and the players. He then described his working conditions as being like "modern day slavery". Hey, dumb ass, last time I checked, you signed a contract to play FOOTBALL for MILLIONS of dollars, you overpaid, ignorant, self centered, over hyped WIND BAG. Shut up and do your job. I would lop of one of my nuggets to be an athletic freak of nature like you and your CO-WORKERS.

HERE'S FINGERING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I Am Jack's Gluteus Maximus

It has been a few days since I last checked in, so for that, I apologize. I have been lacking in the creative sense and I hate rambling on about things that mean nothing to anyone but me.

First, pray for those in Japan. I cannot imagine how frightening it is for those that are dealing with this 1st person.

If I have the chance tonight, I will point a "finger" and catch up with your blogs, friends.

For now, I bid you ado.
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Thursday, March 10, 2011

W.F.W, Tele Tubbocalypse

Welcome to The Habitual Hobbit for all you newbies. That would include A Vapid Blonde, Deus Ex, Lance, Bo and Aimee.

Wednesday is special around these parts. Some have come to know it as hump day, others have labeled it Wee Bit or Wordless. I have decided t'go the Pixar route. (Please note, Pixar is in no way pimping this blog or any of it's entities (there are none) and cannot be held liable for anyone who attempts, and, God forbid, is successful when applying The Wushi Finger Hold) Also. (Please note, Pixar Legal Team, please do not sue me because I have blatently stole something that you have no doubt, registered with the U.S. Patent office. It was a last ditch effort on my part to lure in readers. I have nothing of value. Except for my soul. If you grabbed my ankles and flipped me upside down, you would only suffer a hernia for your trouble. My wife has my nuggets stowed away in her back pocket and my daughter has what's left of me, wiggled around her itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, pinky.)

But, on a positive note, I found someone that I can make fun of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Tele Tubbocolypse

Growing up, I learned of The Four Horseman of The Apocalypse and what they signified. But it was unclear as to when these four would start reigning death from the Heavens, that is, until now. For years now, they have been wreaking havoc on our children. They have grown themselves into a multi million dollar circle jerk of douchcanoery (thanks Sandra) while infecting our children's fragile, egg shell minds with fragmented sentences, ear shatteringly high pitched voices and dreams that one day, they too, could have a T.V. protruding from their stomach's.

But no longer will the wool be pulled over this sheep's eyes. No more LaLa, no more TinkyWinky, no more Poe, and finally, no more Dipsy. I'm hunting tubbies and I implore you all to do the same.

I admit, this is a little much, but it is a little weird.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Childhood Dreams

The day began as did any other day. Men awoke from slumber and Aide's tended to equipment while maids fed horses and oiled saddles. Archers brought with them Bowyers and Fletcher's to insure that their arrows would shoot true, while the archer himself tended to his own bow, for only he knew how taught the hemp should lay when nocked. Blacksmiths addressed armor while soldiers were responsible for their own weaponry. Swords need be ground and polished daily to ensure a razors edge. It would be the only thing that one could trust fully while on the field during battle so it was normal fodder for one to upkeep his own blade.
 
These were not commoners that swore the oath to uphold the Law. These men had been bred for battle. They were pulled from their mothers womb wielding a sword. They spent countless hours on range while their siblings were sent off to schools of higher learning. It was not about money or fame. It was about upholding Law and defending the King. It was about fearless loyalty to your brothers in arms and making sure that promises made to loved ones for safe return were kept.
 
As I look at my men from above the encampment, mine eyes welled up with tears. I knew that any number of these men, my beloved men, would be laid to rest in the coming days. The Skithe had extended his reign far into our homeland and began spatting threats at our King, and this, I could not have. Skithe was not aware, but his death was drawing closer with each passing day. I stood atop the gully, calmly caressing Fires hilt. Fire was the first of two swords fashioned for me, the second being Ice. Fire was forged using the ashes left behind from my brothers passing. It raged and spat violence. She held no prejudice and yearned for revenge. I tried to keep Fire sheathed as much as I was able, for I did not like who I became when I loosed her on the field of battle. And the second, named Ice, was much more subdued, but when mine hand and it's hilt met, we united as one in the same. As my brother would say, "watching Ice and I on the field was like watching a master poet, put pen to paper." Ice was a gift, given to me by my father when I was deemed a soldier by The Guard. It was nothing more than a well crafted blade, made for sparring. It wasn't until my brother's murder, that I would come to know the true power behind Ice's subtlety. It was not until the first of my tears fell onto it's cross handle, that it began to speak to me. 
 
 
 
When I was younger, this was a recurring dream that I had had. I started writing a book with a buddy of mine a few years back but for one reason or another, the idea got shelved and I tucked it away with a box o' dreams, along with a few songs and a few poems that I had wrote in college. This is an excerpt from the prologue. It is kind of funny how things like this come back around. I had completely forgotten about this up until a day or two ago, when I ran across it while looking for something entirely unrelated. I hope you enjoy this.
 
Catch you all on the flip.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Concrete

So, it's been a while since I've shook the cob webs off of the poetry lobe but after reading some of my junk from my "emo" days, I figured I would give it another run, and wouldn't ya know, S30P has started something that would allow for creative juices to once again flow.
This weeks prompt was this single word: Concrete

Well, here goes nothing !!!!!!

____________________________________________
Look on sad pyramids
made of water and sand
in which dwelt dead pharaohs
concretus prisons
fashioned by that of slaves hands
_____________________________________________
  I know but please contain your laughter until I have signed off, okay.

Later

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Wushi Wed.....Thursday

It's not hump day and I am aware of this. Sorry, my Chi is all messed up.
Just go with it.

Yes, it is hump day yet again and you all know what hump day means!!!!!!
Yep, I am starting my rotation today and won't have a day off until next Thursday. Yea for me.

In order to blow off a little steam, I think I will rip into some of the world's least needed and see to it that they receive what they have coming to them.

It seems that scientists in Brazil have nothing better to waste money on than tromping through rain forest's in search of "zombie ants". These ants are apparently overtaken by a parasite that in turn, latches onto the ants brain and takes over control of it's behaviors and actions until it is all tuckered out. At that time, the parasite shoots spores out the ants head in hopes of infecting neighboring ants. According to scientists, this bacteria has been zombifying ants for nearly 49 million years. I would be forced to conclude that ants are pretty damn stupid. If they had any intelligence, they would have figured out some kind of vaccine or invented some ant sized biological disaster suit. Ants are dumb.

Artwork used with permission from Habitual Hobbit. Any reproduction of artwork above is prohibited and is probably protected by some kind of law, somewhere. So, in short, don't gank my tag or I will sue yo' A, B!!!!!

And to make this tragic story worse, one scientist is afraid that a specie of this zombie inducing parasite is facing an untimely extinction level event. Oh well, maybe it's for the best. Besides, 14.7893 nanoseconds after the last one dies, three more species will have mutated and one of them will likely be the one that starts World War Z. So, grab your guns, baseball bats and always remember to send the people that you don't like to the front line because they are the ones that get dead first.

Wushi engaged, Ska---wait for it, wait for it

doosh!!!!!!

* Apple Inc., just go away. You will never sucker me into buying your overpriced crap. Yeah, the iPad is a good idea but I am sick of hearing about them. You and your books o' touch screen hell are infiltrating everything, everywhere and every time I see someone using one in public, I see that damn apple and what I perceive as being horns growing out of it's crown. It's scary. And, you may think it's cool, but the people that drive around with an Apple sticker on the back of their car are not hip, they are tools.

Go figure
* Charlie, or would you prefer that I address you as Carlos? It really doesn't matter. Just go, go and find some other country to disgrace. You were so much more tolerable when you were strung out on crack or whatever. You didn't feel any need to speak. You were too busy trying to score a rock.

Picture found on Hollywood Dame dot com

Kim, STOP THE SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENT EARS EVERYWHERE !!!!!!!

Jam? Riiiiiiiiight.

I bid you farewell and hope y'all come back.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Question To Half Ponder.

Today, Chief Dad over at Unsound Reasoning posted an interesting question and one that I felt needed a little more space than the comment box supplied, for me to answer. So, this is really a long comment, rather than a new post.

The question...............If you had a chance to sit down and converse with any two people from history, who would you choose?

1. The first person I would want to chat with would have to be Jesus Christ

There are far too many questions that I have yet to receive answers too, and I know many, if not all of them, will remain unanswered until my judgement. I would like to know what He sees when He directs His gaze onto the world today. Why did He suffer crucifixion for us, when knowing full well that the majority would not believe in His existence? Why certain things took place in my life that I would consider as negative? Who invented the game of golf, Himself or the devil? What was the point of Barney, the purple dinosaur? Why did He allow for the existence of  the University of Michigan? Will the Browns EVER win the Super Bowl? Will the Tribe ever win the World Series? Stuff like that. Some, are silly, while some our of the utmost importance to me.



2. Second is a little more difficult. Jim Morrison? Charles Baudelaire? Tchaikovsky? Lincoln? John The Baptist? The list is too long and I cannot make my mind up so I will pass on number two because it is causing my brain to overheat and I know that if I said I'd come back to it later, I would be lying. So, in an attempt to save you from unfulfilled anticipation, I will just move forward. It's all about you, dig?

Catch you on W.F.W.


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