Thursday, February 24, 2011

Death Cab For Cootie


So, a few days ago, I found out that my daughter does not care much for losing, AT ANYTHING. Let me explain with a short picture journal.

Mom, Daughter and I played "Cooties" and here is my winning cootie. I named him Dorkis.
This is mommies second place cootie. 

Daughters third place cootie. 

Here is Dorkis, dead. Daughter was unhappy and smashed him into pieces.
We held a memorial service for Dorkis but my daughter was not present. She was at home, plotting her course for world domination.

She has that whole "Puss N Boots, look at my big sad eyes, now you are my minion" kind of thing going on. 
HELP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Pirates? I don't like pirates. They smell like cabbage.

Arrrrrrrgggggggh. Deer's a foul feeling on the open sea. I be your captain, ib, and this be your Wushi Finger Wednesday post, you swabs!!!!

Okay, so I am no Jack Sparrow. I'm just an average guy, living an average life. I have never plundered a ship for it's jewels and women. I have never lost an appendage while in the midst of a sword fight and in turn, I don't have a peg leg, nor do I have any need for implementing a hook where once was a hand. I delete all spam and I don't eat green eggs and ham. Besides, ninjas like myself do not fall victim to the hands of mear mortals. We spar to (their) death with them for (practice). There is not a pirate that I have met that I thought was a stand up guy. Whether they are from Somalia, Pittsburgh or Seton Hall, it does not matter. Pirate = poop.

That said, let's hand out a Wushi or two.

Someone has watched Curse of The Black Pearl far too many times. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Somali Pirates. I would not use the word pirate. Back in the days of pirates, I don't recall ever reading about Black Beard tooling around the Caribbean in a speed boat or using sonar. Real pirates use swords, not assault rifles. Real pirates fire canons, not rocket propelled grenades, and they don't call reporters via cell phone to push a political agenda. You effing savages. You need to find a flipping ROLE MODEL. I role model like..............

I fight gangs for local charities and stuff!!
SKADOOSH's

=============================================

"HEY RUSH LIMBAUGH,
SHUT
UP
AND WORRY
ABOUT YOUR
OWN PHYSIQUE"

YOUR A DOOSH

==============================================

Last week, Japanese scientists ex placed... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
----Napoleon Dynamite

Randy: "I can kick your butt Napoleon."
Napoleon: "Nu Uh ! Only one of us here knows the secret ninja moves from the government."

---- Napoleon Dynamite

I am Audi 5000.........G.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Frodo Ain't Got Nuttin' On Me


You blogging people are entirely too kind. I choke on the old WFW and still managed this cool little ditty. It seems that AP at Over Developed, Under Exposed has a thing for my Wushi Fingers and forwarded this on to me. So, thank you AP. You are like, cool, and stuff.

If you want to know 7 secrets, I will direct you here. I have already leaked 7 "secrets" about myself and I do not think that the world is ready for seven more. I'm thinking of you people, I'm thinking of you.

And, it is also my do-dee, to pass this on to a few bloggers that I find deserving. So, here they are.

52 Weeks Of Wordage - Steffers the Great has a fun blog. She presented me with my first award for a short story that I entered into her Monday Madness contest. Go over and check her out.


The Arta - The blog showcases Arta's artwork. She is already extremely talented but is still on the path of higher learning. What she calls a "sketch", I would call my masterpiece and quit drawing for ever. Go over and check her out. Buy her book. I plan to purchase it but that will have to wait until I am no longer broke, Mike Tyson style worried about the future of my financial portfolio. She was B.O.N. a week or two ago, and I well say, it was well deserved.


Kate Dean - Kate's blog is a picture blog that showcases her photography. She has a wonderful knack of snapping at the right moment to catch the "mood" of her models. She happens to be one of the first blogs I began to follow. Go see what it is that I am talking about. Beautiful people + perfect timing/sets = pure awesomeness.

So, there, it is finished.

I wish I could consume alcohol at work. I would not want to get peemypantshugginthetoiletbecauseihadihopallyoucaneatbacon drunk, but, a touch buzzed. It would speed up the monotony of sitting in one spot for ten hours, staring at five computer monitors waiting , just in case a little red alarm blinks in on one of them.

Does anyone else flinch at the site Kathy Bates when she is on the tube? I happened upon her show, "Harry's Law" but was unable to escape from this


image of her during the movie "Misery". I just get a shiver of bad mojo whenever I see her, regardless of what she is doing. She could be selling Girl Scout cookies in front of Wal-Mart and I would still pee my pants a little bit because I would flashback to images of her "sledgehammer fetish" and her usage of the quote, "Mr. Man". Still, to this day, she gives me the heebeegeebee's.

And, a final note before I retire this post, I ran across these yesterday.


As it turns out, this shirt and the one below are available for purchase at Zazzle.com.
I want one. (In case you were wondering, they have men's shirts too. I just did not want y'all to think that I have started wearing women's clothing again.)


And finally, it seems that I have quite the following in New Zealand, they even had a rally for me. It's apparent that I should be getting paid for this and these fine folk get it.

















Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wushi Finger Wednesday

Hello boys and girls. I wanted to start off by thanking those of you who shot over a few words of encouragement during my funkiness. But again, I ask that you all pray for Average Girl's sister in law. The majority of you are aware of this somewhat and I imagine that most of you have said a few prayers for her already. I just ask that we continue to do so.

Now, back to this mass-uh-Cree.

I regret to inform you that your host has suffered a severe case of writers block and is unable to present another lucky dumb ass with the prestigious Wushi Finger. I'm thinking about giving up my soap box for a few weeks and having some Guest Appearance Wushi Finger Wednesday Posts. If anyone has a chip on their proverbial shoulder, and would like to go Hobbit for a day, let me know. I ask only that whoever is chosen to divvy out the dreaded Finger o' death, do so with minimal usage of foul lingo and that it not be directed toward any religion, faith, non-faith etc. I know, I am such a mamma's boy. I like to keep things P.C. if at all possible.

Speaking of P.C.!!!!!!

I have not seen it yet, but did anyone think that Christina's fall at the Grammy's was a ploy to derail her debacle at the Super Bowl? Or, is she just in a really, really, really bad public funk? Just curious.

One would think that if she were indeed, half cyborg, singing the correct lyrics and walking would not be an issue. 

But for now, if someone out there would like to give a deserving party the Wushi Finger, send a copy over my way. If anybody actually does send me one, I will use one for this week. God forbid, several entries get sent over, then I will use them as fodder for future Wushi Finger filings. (Say that five times as fast as you can) So, for now, I apologize to you for being such a tool. But I do hope some of you have issues with someone, enough so, that you would like to berate them here, in a public forum.

I am Jack's most boring blogger. EVER.



Monday, February 14, 2011

Coincidence?

2 so the king asked me, "Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of heart." I was very much afraid, - Nehemiah 2:2

Lately, it has been a rough go. I would say with no hesitation that I am over-sensitive, as far as emotions are concerned. When I am enthralled in one of these funks, the old O.C.D. rears it's ugly mug and magnifies everything two fold. I try to remember things that I have learned over the past eight years in regards to refocusing on relevant goings on. Today has been a difficult one. The above scripture is one that I came across while trying to find one to pass on to a friend that is experiencing a great sadness and uncertainty, and I came across the passage above. I do find this to be no coincidence. So much so that I felt the need to make a quick mention of it.

I pray that this finds you well.
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Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Wushi Finger Wednesday, Super Bowl Special

Hello and welcome to the Habitual Hobbit. If you are a familiar, you will already know that Wednesday around here is Wushi Finger Wednesday and if you are a noob, you also, now, already know that it is indeed, Wushi Finger Wednesday. For those of you that are noob's and do not know now what WFW is, it is called an acronym. This specific acronym means Wushi Finger Wednesday, and on said day, I rant about someone(s) or something(s) that really chap my posterior. If you are like most of my readers, you are now dumber for having subjected yourself to my blog. And yet, you have decided to stay and prove that you have what it takes to go to D. That being said, "Let's Get It Started In Ha".

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

So, let me get this straight. You make millions of dollars, playing a Game. You are employed by one of the most storied franchises in the history of professional sports. You make more money during the course of one season than I would have made IF I began working in my current position immediately after I exited the womb, stayed gainfully employed for 70 straight years, accrued no debt because every single thing that I had gained was handed to me and...... I was able to accomplish this feat for 3.5 consecutive LIVES. I will admit, I am somewhat of a pessimist but, seriously? You are a household name. You have had "relations" with at least three prominent actresses. You have been seen in public with high priced and well known call-girls and/or madam's. You have admitted to using P.E.D.'s. and suffered little or no consequences. And, you have experienced ALL OF THIS while, most likely living with the delusion that this is ALL owed to you because of all of your hard work.

And, if this is the story of your life, YOU.....WOULD.....BE.....WHO?

That's right ladies and gentlemen, you would be Alex Rodriguez, 3rd baseman of the New York Yankees.
Why did I pick this tool, you ask? Credentials? Here is an example credential. Allow the following comment found via Wikipedia, to further enlighten you with an example of criteria, from which, I found damning in this case.

Candice Houlihan, a Boston-area hairdresser who previously worked as a stripper, told the Boston Herald[87] that she and Rodriguez had sex on two occasions in 2004 when Rodriguez was in town playing against the Boston Red Sox. Houlihan also told the Globe of her liaisons with Rodriguez, and the supermarket tabloid said she had passed a lie detector test. The day after Cynthia Rodriguez filed for divorce from Alex Rodriguez in 2008, Houlihan said Rodriguez' wife "did the right thing," adding, "a leopard doesn't change his stripes. Good for her. I think she's doing the smart thing. And she'll probably get tons of cash."

SKA-DOUCHE

Please note: The competition this week was fierce and I could have made a case for a plethora of candidates but A-Fraud just has a way of donkey punching my most irritable areas.

"Aaaah, I feeeeeel nice, like sugar and spice."

See, even The Pope agrees. He even went out and bought him a little sump, sump.

"Listen man, the rest of the team is starting to get weirded out concerning your, umm, uniform??"


Honorable Mentions:
The Black Eyed Peas - for butchering the entire halftime show.



Christina Aguilera - for her nauseating rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.



On a positive note, I want to congratulate Volkswagen for what I thought was by far, the best Super Bowl commercial this year. The Darth Vader kid was classic. If you missed it, check it out below.



word.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Proof That Men Think About Sex Alot

It would seem that the opening edition of "Wushi Finger Wednesday" went over fairly well and for that, I thank all of you that tuned in and added your two cents. You are too kind. This weeks WFW is in the works and if all goes well, it will be a much better read. Here's for hoping!!! I also wanted to thank all of you that answered my <3 question. A heart was not what I thought it signified but as it turnes out, I was not alone. There were about 12 replies in all, 8 from the ladies and 4 from the dudes. All 8 ladies answered "heart" while 3 of the 4 dudes answered "boobies". Surprised?






Wednesday, February 02, 2011

For All You Computer Nerds

Can somebody please tell me what <3 means? I see this quite often and being the dope that I am, when it comes to stuff like this, want to know how far off I am. My initial thought would pertain to the male genitalia or the female bust. Is it secret code for bloggers that are in the know? Is it a fragment of text found in ancient Egyptian scribe, concerning how we, as humans, can begin to act like humans again? Or, is it a heart that fell down, broke it's pelvis and can't get up? Somebody, please, give me knowledge.

Wushi Finger Wednesday

Welcome!
For those of you who may have come to my site by accident, I welcome you to The Habitual Hobbit. Those that have been around a while, I'm going to do something new. If it works out and people get a kick out of it, I'll roll with it. The next few weeks will be a trial run. So, here we go. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Most people, unlike myself, make an attempt to keep up with pressing news both locally and globally. I am not one of those people. I do not hide from the happenings of our world but I don't want to "over stimulate" my easily stimulated brain, so, after setting up my account with Google, I am able to better control what news I intake. I try to be at least aware of world events and even important national events but I do not watch the news because.....well, that discussion will be for a different day. And trust me, today is not that day. 
As of late, I have become increasingly aware of the rising tension between North Korea and South Korea. South Korea (Constitutional Democracy) and North Korea (Hereditary Dictatorship) have been butting heads for sometime. Enter into the fray a sociopath that pops a boner every time that someone says North Korea and nuclear weapons in the same sentence and you come up with a Kim Jong-IL.
Kim (a girls name no less) is the current dick tater of N.K. that is suffering from an extreme case of the "daddy dropped me too many times".
If I were a phrenologist, I would say that the "Combativeness" section of his brain is holding 99% of the stock. The picture below proves this theory. The dude just looks like a nut job. By the way Kim, Lens Crafters is always running some sort of special. If you upgraded a touch, you would look less like a lunatic, hell bent on total world domination. I mean, as of now, those Captain America shields your using as bifocals are not gonna help you pick up the chicks, you dig?

Kim Jong-ilImage via Wikipedia
But I guess being a dick tater and all, you could just force a woman at gunpoint to favor you just the way you are. To learn more about this embossed carbuncle, click on the link above.

Maybe I'm being too hard on him. I ran across this and I may have seen a softer side Kim. Check it out.

After seeing this, my opinion on Kimmy softened a bit. After all, he is not the nut case power mongering commie that I had once pegged him as. He..............wait, I was right. I just saw this.



Yep, he is still a douche bag.
Wushi finger hold activated and applied. SKADOOSH
Until next time. Remember, don't be a card holding member of the communist party with ugly glasses that spews when nuclear warfare is mentioned. You are all better than that.

Here are the links to the YouTube clips for anyone that is having troubles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh_9QhRzJEs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TEvacFETvM&feature=related