Thursday, November 08, 2012

Contest Non Entry

Thank goodness.

The election is finally over, Facebook status's are returning to normal and I have had continued success, repelling the urge to buy products sold by Apple. Everything is right in the world.

For the record, I did vote and unfortunately, my candidate did not win. (Bill Clinton wasn't even on the ballot) Congratulations Barack. May your next four years be more productive than you're first four years. (This should not be hard, as you did not set your sights very far forward the first time around.)

Moving on.....

Does anyone know/like Al Penwasser? I cyber know him and thus far, cyber like him as well. He heads up a blog aptly titled, Penwasser Place and I urge you to click the link. Trust me, you will chuckle. 

On his blog a day or so ago, he included a link to a Resurrection Blog fest. In said blog fest, bloggers were asked to re post a post from their first year of blogging. If said post was deemed awesomer than the others by the blogfest's creator Mina Lobo at Some Dark Romantic, you could win the most awesomest prizes, ever. So, I did what any good blogger would do. I joined the fray. Now, it should be noted, I joined late, so no prizes or glory await me, but it sounded too fun to pass up. While I know I will never win, here is my re post. Enjoy.

Hello and again, thank you for stopping in. I appreciate those of you who have visited. Let's blog, shall we?

So, I have shared with you all that I have a mild case of OCD and some anxiety issues that stem from said disorder but there is more. Another quirk of mine is ophidiophobia. Does anyone know what this is? No? Okay, I will tell you.

The term uses the Greek words, ophis (snake) and phobia (fear). Put em' together and you get ophidiophobia. By definition, the word means having a fear of snakes. And yes, just thinking about it gives me the heebee jeebees. It all started when I was about twelve. Mom had just bought me a pair of adidas shelltoes. A buddy of mine and I were tossing a football around in his front yard, talking about girls and whatever else twelve year old boys talked about when I noticed something dangling from my new kicks. I thought nothing of it and passed it off as a piece of green electrical tape that I had been using minutes prior.
 Now, I know what you are probably thinking. How do you not see a snake latched onto your shoe? 
In my defense, I was twelve. Unidentifiable objects sticking to my shoes was commonplace. It was only when that darn piece of "tape" started to move that I looked down to find a garter snake having it's way with my shoe. Moms used to get so mad at me because I never tied my shoelaces. It wasn't the cool thing to do. Looking back now, I am happy, in this instance, that I disobeyed my moms ultimatem to tie my shoes. If they were tied, I would have been seen running up and down the street screaming like a little girl with a snake stuck to my shoe. With the fatties untied, I was able to jump out of my shoes, literally. 

After a few minutes and a few puncture marks, the snake surrendered my shoe and slithered away under a bush. Ordeal over. And now, here we are. I lived to tell of my harrowing experience and the collateral damage that I endure now, in the aftermath.

Black Mamba
The Black Mamba, or "dendroaspis polylepis" for all you snake loving dorks, is widely recognized by many, as the deadliest snake to inhabit our fine planet. The Black Mamba can only be found in southeastern Africa.  (Thank the Lord) It's venom is a combination neurotoxin/cardiotoxin and can kill a full grown human in approximately twenty minutes. There is an antivenin but you better be close to the local Redi-med, as the venom works quickly, causing paralasys of the muscles that in turn, send the heart into cardiac arrest. It's head is shaped like a coffin (you don't say) and when threatened, will flatten out it's hood (ala King Cobra) while raising it's upper body off the ground some 3-4 feet (chest high). Awesome, huh? The fatality rate for a Mamba bite is 95%, as most bites occur in remote areas where treatment cannot be administered quickly enough.

Mozambique "Spitting" Cobra
The Mozambique Spitting Cobra is arguably the second deadliest snake in the world. As it's name would inquire, this snake can attack from a distance of up to 8 feet, by spitting venom into the victims eyes to cause partial blindness and disorientation until the the kill strike can be administered via, sharp hooked fang. Talk about adding injury to insult. If by chance, you happen by a Mozambique and take it by surprise, it will feign death, just long enough for you to walk past it, where it then will strike an unsuspecting target from behind.
Shifty little bastard.

Green Anaconda
The Green Anaconda or, again for the dorks, "eunectes murinus", is on average, the largest species of snake in the world, having been known to tip the "scales" at 550 pounds. It should be noted that most are not quite that large. I however, try not to shed too much light on the "positive attributes" of snakes. The Green is the largest of the Anaconda family. They inhabit swampy area's in South America. Their diet consists of mainly birds, pigs and jaguars. What? Jaguars? Okay, it is not a staple in the anaconda's diet but witnesses can attest to seeing the Green attack, kill and engulf an entire jaguar. Anaconda are not venomous, as they kill by squeezing the life out of their victim. They have over 100 angled teeth and a fully detachable jaw. Both characteristics enable the Green Anaconda to swallow human sized snacks whole, and with ease. 

 Now that I think about it, NE Indiana is not all that bad. I think I'll stick around here for the rest of my life.

6 comments:

Pearson Report said...

Hi Ib, I remember this post - gosh we do go back a ways, don't we!?

Al rocks - I've been a follower of his for centuries! :P

As to not buying Apple prods - works okay with me, while I am typing this on my MacBook Pro and do have an iPhone (4S only, hehehehe) I resisted by an Apple router when mine (a trusty D-Link model) passed away quietly the other night.

After a swift burial I bought a spiffy little unit by Linksys - take that Apple! See, there's a rebel in me still!

Great to see you out and about, dear Ib!
Hugs, Jenny

Pearson Report said...

Oops, typo alert...

Should read....I resisted "buying" an Apple router...

And here I thought my second cup of java had kicked in!

Lil Dreamer said...

I knew of the Black Mumba and recalled it fondly as the most kick ass part of Kill Bill 2. Sorry to hear you're such a pussy about these magnificent death machines. ;)

Al Penwasser said...

Hey, thanks for the shout-out. I'm glad I stopped by.
I, too have one of those ophiphobia thingies, too.
It's embarrassing to lose so many "Guy Cool Points" after I collapse into a quivering mass of jelly after a garter snake slithers out from under a rock.
I don't like Apples.
I much prefer Oranges. Or Kumquats.
Mostly because I enjoy saying "Kumquats."
My guy lost, too. Oh, well. Life goes on. I wish the Prez well.

Al Penwasser said...

The Green Anaconda eats jaguars???? Jeezy Pete, any snake that can eat a CAR, I give a wide berth to.

ib said...

Jenny, you are beginning to see the light. Say NO to Apple. Ask Adam and Eve. :)

Dreamer, that was harsh but I found it somewhat arousing. And when I say arousing, I mean it in a non-sporting wood type of way.

Al, your welcome broham. Gotta stick together. I feel like less of a woman knowing that you also fear the serpent. They have no business inhabiting our fine planet. NONE.