Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Let's Shut This Biznitch Down

It has been a day short of two month's between posts and the (powers that be) heading up Blogger refuse to relieve me of the burden that this blog has pressed upon me. Maybe if I post something that resembles gibberish, they will conclude that I have indeed, lost my mind and take pity upon me. Or, maybe if I prove to them that I am a douche bag and possess no talent whatsoever, they will remove me for marring the ideal definition of good writing. 

I know that some of you have remained loyal out of pity, and that is okay. Some of you remained engaged only to see my inevitable "blow out" concerning the world around me, and that is okay too. 

Here are a few ideas that I have come up with in an attempt to make you leave me and this pathetic blog.....

Maybe you will leave if I admit to you, that I am.....

- More like Tim Tebow, and less like Stephan Hawking. 
- Writing this post while brashly listening to and singing songs performed by The Crash Test Dummies.
- A fan of the show, Antique Roadshow.

Still here?

DAMB IT. 

- Against the airing of "The Bachelor" and "The Baccalaureate"
* My reasoning is simple. Any guy that signs up to be "The Bachelor" is not doing it because he is "looking for the one." He is doing it so he can tap multiple chicks per day and then watch as they fight like cats to prove that they are deserving of his affections. Every episode, he is then able to dismiss the clingy ones so he can continue to whore himself out in "publicly acceptable" format. While it sounds enticing, it is not for me. He will likely end up dying a single man. His marriage will fall apart because women may forgive here and there, but they never forget. Somewhere down the line, having slept with the other contestants will come back to haunt him. Word.

* This brings us to "The Baccalaureate." 
My mom would have doubts about any woman I brought home because I won a game show. 

??????

What is going to take for you to leave?

"She said her visions were a bane in her life
She could not control them, they kept her up nights
I know what you're thinking, I haven't been drinking
She knew things that cut like a knife - and she said:

All the years that have come to pass
And all the years that shall be
I see here right before me."

Okay, you asked for it. In order for you to end this post, you have to LISTEN to the CRASH TEST DUMMIES. That will get er' done. Enjoy!!!!






9 comments:

Pickleope said...

I would leave, but I'VE GOT NO PLACE ELSE TO GO! Also, I'm way too lazy to figure out how to remove blogs from my reader thingy.

ib said...

That is reassuring. I'm on the right track.

Al Penwasser said...

I'm not going and you can't make me!
Well, maybe you can. It's a computer thingie, after all.

ib said...

Al, it's your steadfast caring that pisses me off in the first place, man. I can't leave my peeps hanging and you are a peep. Pickle might leave after she figures out how to remove blogs from her reader thingy but I would never boot you. I want you all to leave on your own accord and because you are sick of catering to such a needy piece of poop.

Mynx said...

Don't you love me anymore that you want me to leave?

I dont care

I am staying. We have been together too long and we have always had a good thing.

So there.

Pffffft

Vinny C said...

Tried to leave. Google won't let me. Well since I'm here...

KIDDING!

Naw, I didn't actually try to leave.

Random Girl said...

Really dude? Quit whining. We are reading and you can't stop us. Well, unless you quite writing which is really a cowardly thing to do and would piss me off greatly. And you don't RG pissy, trust this!

ib said...

Mynxy, of course I still love you. I was just burnt out. I do a feel a tingle in my brainials so maybe I will stop feeling bad for myself soon enough and resume regularly scheduled programming.

Vinny you had me going. Too bad though, read above.

Randy, slow the train down, girl. I don't mind the dirty talk but when my physical well being is in question, I will do whatever the threatening party says.

Jennifer said...

Hi I have also been a bad blogger. Leaving and then returning. But oddly enough when i do return I always find myself popping over to see what you are up to. That must be saying something about your writing....right?