Saturday, June 23, 2012

Eternal Spamnation

I love SPAM. Not the meat-ish substance found in the canned goods aisle of your local grocer, but the kind that is filed away in it's own, cozy, blocked and locked folder that be provided to you on the home page of your chosen email service. I have often wondered if SPAMMING actually increases revenues for the chaps that are advertising their crap in this manner. If so, how much loot does it bring in? For reals. Not that I wouldn't love to own a gas powered Pogo stick, add four inches to my ho piece and/or learn how to speak Swahili using the Pimsleur learning method, but damn, isn't there a better way to go about pimping your product?  The world is chalk full of shady salespeople, scams and junk you don't need. I see it on the daily.

So, I found myself cleaning out my email folders of the old, in an attempt to make my life more organized and along came the good old SPAM folder. It hadn't been emptied for a month or so, so in it, I had accumulated a nice little collection of cyber vomit and figured that sharing some of with you would be a great way to reenter the blogging business. Here are a couple that struck me as ODD/FUNNY/RIDICULOUS/ETC.

(Insert cheesy porn music here: BOW CHICKA, CHICKA BOW WOW)
Sweet, right?
Disclaimer: Be sure to remember that, no one scene, can exceed four hours. If so, there will be trouble a' brewing down yonder.


Since when did wealthy, attractive young men and women start having dating problems? and why did they choose the douche bag wearing an ascot to feature on their ad campaign?

These are just a few of hundreds of advertising genius filling my SPAM box on the daily. 


Pickleope said...

Wow, you get elaborate spam. Most of mine us just poorly spelled grammatical nightmares from some mysterious benefactor. I want sexy fun time in my spam box. STUFF YOUR SEXY TIME IN MY SPAM BOX! That pickup line never works.

ib said...

I get all types of penile growth, threesome dating community invites and the like. I would be happy to forward them your email address but it is annoying and only serves one purpose, and that is to make fun of. I'm not flipping Ron Jeremy. I am but a humble hobbit that need not be inundated with such tomfoolery.

Gabi said...

I will never forget the time that my email account was hacked and sent a Viagra ad to my grandfather.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Did you find out what the two steps required to become a porn star were? I'm guessing "grow a longer dick" was one of them.

ib said...

Gorilla, I must admit that I did not delve any further into said steps, but can imagine that girth is taken into consideration. It is likely, one of several reasons why I never pursued a career in man whoring.