Friday, December 16, 2011

Deja Vu = Thank You.

This worked out perfect. I woke up this morning wanting to post but having no post material readily available. So, I did as any good blogger would do. I put my five year old, atop my shoulders and looked for a contest that required the contestant to supply a past post, and I do love to recycle. PERFECT.

So, let me get through all of the proprietary bull jive that comes standard when entering such a fray.

First stop, one Mr. Alex J. Cavanaugh. The aforementioned is a writer, and a published writer at that. He hobnobs with fellow 'published writers' to help put the words out there that wouldn't get much "pub" otherwise and is always in the know, when it concerns contests and being really cool. SCORE.

So, today is "The Day of the Do-Over." Let it begin, LET IT BEGIN !

I am here. I think.

I have decided to force it upon thy self to post, no matter the cost, so consider this a disclaimer. This post could very well, blow and collateral damage is expected. In order to separate myself from the current funk that is hampering my ability to write, I figured that I would interview myself. Yes, you read that correctly. I am going to sit down with my Hyde side and add more confusion to the riddles that abound. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring to you, my alter ego and douche extraordinaire, Etan Wicknerd.

Me Good morning, dear readers. Today, it is to my dismay, that I sit in the same body as our guest, Etan Wicknerd. Good morning Etan.
Etan - "Shut Up!"
Me - Wonderful. How have things been, since the diagnosis?
Etan - "What the hell are you talking about? Shut up!"
Me - Now Etan, in order for this interview to play to it's end, I'll need you to settle.........
Etan - "Enough. Start spewing questions, you chubby turd."
Me - Indeed. Let's begin.
Etan - "Shut Up!"
Me - (Breathing in to begin asking a question.)
Etan - "That is a dumb question, but one that I will address."
Me - I haven't ask......
Etan - "Carbon Fiber, is a fine, natural way to soften ones stool."
(queue, crickets chirping.)
Me - .....
Etan - "....."
Me - .....
Etan - "What?"
Me - Riiiigggght. Moving on.
Etan - "Move on then, Turd boy."
Me - How, would you say, that President Obama has done, as we look forward to the next election?
Etan - "I cannot complain, but I will because I can. IMO, he should be probed by aliens. We know already, that he is not human. In my studies, I have seen this type of sub human species. They are conceived when unicorn sperm comes in contact with a human egg. A sub species, if you will, that I have aptly named, Unicuman."
Me - errr.....
Etan - "Although very rare, there are several Unicuman's of note. Brittany Spears, Kanye West, Elton John and Tony Blair a few that come to mind."
Me - but.....
Etan - "But What? You asked me the question."
Me - no, actu.....
Etan - "Next question."
Me - Moving on then. 
Etan - "Yeah, lets move on, then. Let's move on to something that I find, rather frightening. Rosanne Barr. What a....."
Me - (raising voice) Mr. Wicknerd, she has no place in this "interview." Besides, she is no longer in the public eye and in turn, is not considered a threat to the youth around the world. 
Etan - "Yeah, but....."
Me - No Buts, you opinionated tool.....
Etan - "HEY, You asked ME to be here for this "interview." If you are unhappy with the answers that I provide for the recycled questions that YOU ask, then I will be happy to leave. Just cut me an effing check to cover my appearance fee, and I will be on my happy way, moron."
Me - Well, ladies and gentlemen, that is all of the time that has been allotted to this arrogant prick, so until the next time we chat, thank you for joining us and, be sure to pay your cable bill. Good Night.


Lost_without_a_Map said...

ROFL...I bet you are never bored when you are alone. I would like to add you to my list of 'dream dinner guests'. You would sit in between SpongeBob and Garfield.

ib said...

Lost, I would be honored, but I cannot promise that I will behave. Garfield is an alright cat but SpongeBob would have to take one to the cheek for making kids worldwide, a touch dumber.

The Golden Eagle said...

LOL. Great interview.

Lydia Kang said...

Very funny, ha ha!

Thanks so much for joining in the Blogfest!

ib said...

Golden, thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed it.

Lydia, no, no, no, thank you.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Unicorn sperm! Did not see that answer coming.
And thanks for the mention. I'm just an author trying to help others.

DL Hammons said...

I totally agree with your alter ego! Rosanne Barr is still a danger to us all! :)

Love the interview!