Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Five Things (More like Ten to Fifteen) I Think, 11-08-11

This edition of Five Things I Think is being brought to you  by Danger Boy.
1. WHO?
Justin Bieber? A father?? That is so gayngster.

2. WHAT?
An asteroid? The size of an aircraft carrier came close to hitting earth? How close?
201,700 miles close. That's like, really, really close, I guess.
Allow me to address a few questions that remain unanswered, if you will.
How to save our planet from a killer asteroid? 
You don't. The movie Armageddon, was not real, and even it was, do you really thing that you could find (ten) expert, deep well drillers that would fly to outer space, attempt to land on a rock travelling at somewheres around 29,000 mph, drill a hole and then drop a ((nuclear warhead)) into said hole? Hm, I'll take the under. And, even if said team did volunteer (Given the amount of overwhelmingly dumb people on this planet, maybe finding ten people would be easy.) for this one way trip, how good would YOU feel about their chances of success, as you sat here on earth?
Want to see the space rock? Look fast!
NO. That would cause all sorts of neck and spinal issues.
Could the asteroid destroy the moon?
No. We have Ben Affleck.
Why radar's the best for tracking near-Earth objects.
Well, I'd imagine that it beats putting a dude on top of Mount McKinley with a pair of binoculars.

3. WHEN?
Midnight. Today. Yesterday.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 was released at midnight. For those of you that are not in the know, CoD is a popular series of first person shooter video games for Playstation, xBox etc. People reportedly were seen playing the game at their place of employment, while eating lunch. Some employees used vacation days to host release parties. How awesome is that?

4. WHERE?  
Perched high atop a tall building, The Pope stands ready, waiting to pick off insurgents as they stumble through the war ravaged city.

5. WHY? this, even considered noteworthy? Seriously. Gay penguins? Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, Happy Feet, doesn't it?

6. HOW?
I can only hope that this little devil spawn ate dudes three dollar fee, as there is no other reason for IT to be THERE.....PERIOD. Checkisout.

And I cannot believe that I am saying this, but I hope that the little rat bastard grows up and seeks revenge on the mouth breather that keeps poking it with a night stick. He (obviously) has it coming. I do not run across scared, trapped and agitated vipers very often, but I have enough common sense to know that it should be taken care of by a qualified snake handler or a flipping ninja. Only those that have lightning fast reflex's should handle angry serpent death machines. Karma, as it is said, is a.....SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.


Al Penwasser said...

Thank God that asteroid wasn't the size of Michael Moore. Then, I would have been really, really scared.
And mighta cried.

stacey said...

great post!!!!!!!!

but if there's to be hot chick on chick action on my site.... well, hell, some penguins on occasion must have to have happy feet....

love ya and just sayin'....


ib said...

Al, that was wrong. But I laughed out loud.

Stacey, the two cannot be compared. AT ALL. Penguins do not talk, proven when Mambo tried to tell the humans that they were stealing all of the fish. When the camera panned out, he was squawking like, well, like a penguin. So, how, if we cannot understand penguin, do we know that these two penguins do indeed, putt from the rough?

I don't make the rules, I just ask the questions.

Jennifer said...

WHAT! Armageddon was not based on real life? Great now I have a new phobia....thanks a lot!

ib said...

Jenny, at's what I'm here for. You, are most welcome.

stacey said...

Oh, come on, ib, REALLY????
Your example is a good point indeed.
However, just because you don't speak penguin.... doesn't mean no one speaks penguin....