Thursday, October 06, 2011

Insecure Writers Support Group, 10-05-11


I loathe this word.
Latin in origin, it's first known use dates back to 1649. Merriam and Webster define it as such:

1: not confident or sure. 2: not adequately guarded or sustained. 3: not firmly fastened or fixed. 4a: not highly stable or well-adjusted. 4b: deficient in assurance : beset by fear and anxiety.

There I am, in the green above.

I fear (more) than I care to admit to and when ever I find myself confronted with one of said fears, it often times leads to anxiety and blah, blah, blah.

My list of insecurities is long and distinguished but a few that come to mind are as follows:

Fatherhood - This is intensified by the simple fact that I am daddy to a daughter. If, by chance, my wife and I did (it) a different way, and we conceived a son, then I don't think that my insecurity would be as intense and/or apparent. But, as God would have it, that would not be the case. I know what goes on in the little minds of boys and to know that my daughter will be the subject of fodder for some little turds fantasy, scares the crap, right out of me. Having a boy would have allowed me to worry about the whereabouts of one wanger, but as it is, I have a world full of those little bastards to dealt with.

Physical Prowess - I know that it is commonplace for one to grow 'outward' a touch after marriage, but damn. I was never confused for being a Brad Pitt look-a-like and I have never had a body that looked to have been chiseled by an angel, but at a time long ago, I was considerably thinner and didn't need to suck in my gut to enable the buttoning of me pants. Now, I am just a chubby, insecure and overly anxious turd.

Writing - I would not equate failure, here in blog land, with that of an extinction level event, but I would rather not cyber rub another the wrong way. I tend to base my opinion of my writing somewhat, on the acceptance of accomplished writers. If anyone that I hold in high regard were to ask that I step away from the blogging business because they are becoming dumber for having read my stuff, I would do so. The last thing that I want is to further retard any one's, already questionable, impression of me. That would just break balls.

And, as it has become customary for me to do so, I will end in song, as I consider myself, a music snob.


Pearson Report said...

Dear Ib,

How I have missed my romps through your comment pages; alas, I have been in a winding tunnel and have had such little time to spend out here in the Blogosphere.

I am pleased to see you are still posting and sharing your insights and thoughts on what makes your world tick.

My dear friend, when I read your sentiments re Fatherhood, Physical Prowess and Writing, my heart aches a little...can I risk stepping outside the box and challenge you with a task...

Write those three topic over but this time create them as they are...positives - you ARE an awesome father, husband and man - you ARE built beautiful in the eyes of the "great maker of men", all your limbs work (to hug your daughter and wife), you HAVE a witty, sharp, clever mind (as demonstrated in many of your posts and comments) and damn it ARE an awesomely excellent writer.

NOW say it all three times, believe it and write it - that's your next post challenge...just for me, okay; write me a post with those three headings but let positive Ib have a go at writing it.

It's in you Ib, you just have to show it the way out!

Big Hugs, Jenny (still your all time number one fan)

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I think Pearson Report put it perfectly!!

Haven said...

Bah! Blogging should be for you. It's a way to express yourself. And there is never going to be anything wrong with you being you. Embrace it =) We have.

Pearson Report said...

Ib, Haven is right - blogging is about you and your ability to express yourself, by no means should you take what I wrote to mean otherwise.

That being said...I would still like to read the flip side... but if it's truly not in you, then hey, I love you anyway.

Big Hugs, Jenny

ib said...

Jenny, I took no offense. I love your comments (i.e. short stories) and am a better writer because of them. I will write you that positive post and do so, with great enthusiasm.

Lass, she is a sharp one, that Jenny P. as are you. I am humbled, every time that someone I deem as a talented writer gives kudos to something I have uttered, so thank you.

Haven, I thank you, friend. For a Sith, you are not so bad! :)

Jennifer said...

I love this post. You have no problem laying it all out there and for a man to admit to suffering one of the same insecurities that many woman face (Physical Prowess) to me is awesome. I laughed so hard at the worrying about a world full of wangs cause you have a daughter. As the mother of a college age daughter I feel your pain!

Deniz Bevan said...

Insecure writers we all are - I wonder if that feeling ever goes away, even for multi-published authors?

stacey said...

great post! talking about insecurities is difficult for any of us, i think!
anyway, i always love what you've written, whatever it's about!

have a great weekend!