Friday, October 14, 2011

Daddy, What's A Wushi?

I am in a fowl mood.

Anyone sick of loud mouthed sports stars yet? I, for one, am.
Understatement O' The Year
“I've sustained a meniscus injury, shortly after that I sustained an ACL injury, so really just going through that and going through some personal issues, personal problems within myself,” Owens told ESPN.

"I think that they missed a spot, T.O. They were told to wrap  your entire head in duct tape."
"Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talkin'." - Hank Hill

Terrell, there is not enough time left in this world for you, or anyone for that matter, to work through even (some) of your issues. Please, deflate and go away.

Below are news stories that were found on Yahoo.

Iran admits failure with space monkey launch
- What happened to the monkey? TELL ME, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FLIPPING MONKEY?

Drug smugglers get creative in Arizona
-  According to state officials, illegal drug runners no longer want to get caught. "It's not like the old days, when they marched in a single file line, with burlap sacks over their shoulders that were full of cocaine, singing the 7 Dwarfs Hi-Ho song."

on a somewhat related note,

Gulf Cartel's accountant found shot dead
- Officials speculate that Snow White ordered the hit, after intercepting suspicious "tweets" from the drug queens Twitter page.

U.S. informant helped foil Iran's plot

- So, yeah. Thanks a bunch. If anyone is interested in knowing, this is the guy that foiled your plot to assassinate the Saudi Arabian Ambassador to the U.S. Just throwing that out there, ya' know, cuz' it's news, and he did it, see, here is his picture.

Deer terrorizes visitors at urban park
- Police close to the investigation are speculating that the deer was only trying to mark it's territory, as it is common behavior for urban deer to do this, in an attempt to "claim dey hood as day own shiznit, word."

Sleek keyboard less keyboards hit shelves
- Customers duped into buying nothing more than air in a box.

Companies posted fewer job openings in August
on a somewhat related note,
- Gulf Cartel is accepting resumes in an attempt to fill a vacant "accounting" position.
Possible candidates must have experience in money laundering, drug trafficking and whacking competitors.
One should also have working knowledge of infrastructural makeup practiced by the D.E.A. Travel is encouraged.
Health Insurance is not provided.

Greenpeace launches $33 million ship

- Ship is completely wind powered. Paid for with $33 million, crisp one dollar bills.


Al Penwasser said...

After the failure, Iranian officials spanked the monkey.

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

What about the so called woman in Japan who turned into an old lady overnight wtf who believes such grap.

I hope the monkey was male because if it was a female monkey they would have feaked out more and stoned it or something like

Mynx said...

I thought they stopped sending monkeys into space years ago. And now I am wondering about the monkey too.

Poor monkey.

Pearson Report said...

The last sentence in the Iranian monkey link sums it all up!

Great post ib - lots of meat on the bone!

I've been playing "the good mother" role the last two days and have just now had a chance to catch a couple of these links...tomorrow (which it already is by about 16 minutes) I'll have a relaxing morning coffee and you'll be the start of my day!

Until then...this was really great ib!

Cheers, Jenny

Jennifer said...

Great Post.....I hate Owens. And I too would like to join with you in being sick of loud mouthed million dollar cry baby sports stars. Thanks for sharing those awesome news stories.

stacey said...

I have never been sporty spice, so I don't know much about the first part....
but the rest is HILARIOUS!
LOVE all the news stories!
THANKS for sharing!!!!

ib said...

Al, how do you spank a dead monkey.

Jo, I bet the monkey was transgender. It could not make up it's mind to either freak out or enjoy the ride.

Mynx, poor, poor monkey, indeed.

Jenny, thank you Moo. I understand that I am not the apple of your eye, I am just happy that you check in on occasion.

Jenny, T.O. needs to blow this joint. FOR...EV...ER.

Stacey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, girlfriend. (you live in texas, how can you NOT like football?)