Tuesday, October 04, 2011

5 Things I Think, 10-03-11

1. I think that I would not mind at all, if by chance, my mind would stop thinking for a day or two.
I can't even imagine, the amount of awesomeness that (not thinking for an entire day) would be.

2. Today, The Empire Struck Back, yet again. And no, I am not talking about the fictional "Empire" that killed and maimed the innocent in a galaxy, far, far away. I am talking about the (real life) empire that is my employer. There is not much difference between the two really. The Empire I work for kills and maims here, in the present galaxy/world that we live in.

3. Being Mr. Mom is hard. I need to learn how to be patient or something. My (almost five year old daughter) does some of the most dopey crap. I mean, she is just shy of five years old, so I am likely expecting too much from her, but why does she have to do the things she does?

"I am gonna drive my daddy straight into a wooden box, eventually."
WORD !!!

- Why does she feel the need to run around the house naked yelling, "daddy, look at my shaky butt." I am sure that my neighbors are under the impression that I am a sexual deviant that need be neutered in the worst of ways.
- Is it completely necessary for her to dispense half of a tube of toothpaste onto the bathroom floor? (Getting none on her toothbrush, mind you.)
- Are the marshmallows in Lucky Charms really so magically delicious that she can't find it in her heart, to eat some of the cereal parts?
- Is it necessary that I be subjected to sitting next to her, while she watches "Martha Speaks", even though I find the show disturbing and unbearable? Seriously. Any dog that eats alphabet soup and afterwards, begins holding conversations with it's owner, deserves to be Michael Vicked. (Just kidding, all of you tree hugging-animal lovers. I don't hurt animals, unless they are raccoon's, snake's or shark's. Then and only then, does it become every man for himself.)

"I love to run down drunks at 2 a.m."
Definition of dumb ass.

"Captain, I don't think I'm gonna make it."

4. If a kid gets pulled over while driving in a vehicle that is clearly marked "student driver", the instructor should be forced to ride on the hood of the car, all of the way back to the high school in which they had previously departed from. Can you say "FAIL" ?

5. I got an award from Vinny. Why? I do not know, but I do appreciate his gesture. I find it difficult to accept awards sometimes, especially when I do not think that I have done anything that is worthy of praise. Since this award is similar to one that I have already received and the acceptance requirements are identical, I will direct you here. I am humbled every time, a wonderfully talented writer gives me recognition, even if I don't feel that it is warranted.


Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

The Empress said...

Your daughter is adorable, and yes, the part about the Lucky Charms is totally true! ...I'm guessing there is an interesting story behind the student driver who was pulled over ...And last but not least, major props on your blog award! Well done my friend!!

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

Ok kids say and do the funniest and strangest things well mine did but sometimes it takes us years to see the funny part........has she stuck a marble up her nose yet????? Or gone outside to poo because the dog does..........

A Daft Scots Lass said...

My five year old is a character too. Last night she went to her room and put on board shorts, she asked me to put on the LMFAO Sexy And I Know on and she danced, ripping her shorts off in time to the music and shakin' what her mama gave her in her barbie knickers!

You'll have to go and watch the video to know what I mean...

Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, AAaaaaah!

Danger Boy said...

Keep on Thinkin', hobbit...maybe try thinkin' about Argentinian "Dancing with the Stars". Trust me, that's worth the google.

And wait, what? Did someone just comment "you are invited to follow my blog?" I think I'm about to get ranty.

ib said...

Steve, thank you.

Empress, thanks for your kind words. At least my child has company when it comes to Lucky Charms. And, I would be interested in finding out what the student driver did to necessitate the need to be pulled over.

Jo, my daughter has not done the marble in the nose thing YET. She has lodged in her nasal cavity, the rubber that is used to hold debit cards in place. She rolled it into a ball and went to cramming it up there.

Lass, it's not such a big deal, as it is normal fodder for most, but it just creeps me out sometimes. Her need to be naked bothers me to a disturbing degree.

Danger, easy bud, easy. It isn't a big deal, man. And, I will keep thinking, as I have no choice in the matter. And, for the record, I did as you suggested. Dancing With The Stars is much more interesting in Argentina that it is here, in the good old U.S. of A.

Gabi said...

Your daughter sounds troublesome. But wonderful. That's probably because I've never been a parent.

stacey said...

All I have to say is, 'glad you're back, Mr Mom!' ;)
anyway, thing is... this last wknd, I got some videos of my daughter, same age.... that had someone i know asking if i don't spend my entire day showing off my stripper moves... HA!
No worries (well, ok, plenty of worries, shitty economy, job stresses, life, etc... but.... ) ... well, let's just kick back and have a nice adult beverage!!!
always love your posts!!!!!!!!!

ib said...

Gabi, at first glance, I snickered at your comment. And then I thought about it. Are you trying to say something about my parenting?? Okay, just kidding.

Stacey, thanks. I know, all too well, about the crap in life. I will take you up on that beverage, and if I ever find myself in Lubbock, I'll buy a round or six.

Jennifer said...

Welcome back. Do you keep leaving in order to have us longing for your witty posts and comments like unrequited lovers eagerly awaiting your return? If so Good Job!