Thursday, August 04, 2011

Five Things...August 4th, 2011

Being a pioneer of...well.....pretty much NOTHING, I have asked and received permission (from an unknown source) to steal forever borrow a little thing that this "unknown source" has pinned as "Five Things...." It is within these five comments, that you will find a perfect excuse to un-follow my blog and burn the clothes that you now wear. So, without much more ado, I will begin. after this quick word from my sponsor.

Five Things.....That You May Not Want To Know About Me

1. I am not a hobbit. I know, I know, I led you all astray. It was not my intention to mislead you but, we all know how the story goes.........You frequent the Internet and in doing so, realize that no one can see or hear you. So, in an attempt to tell yourself that what they don't know, won't hurt them, you exaggerate a little on certain things. It starts off as a small detail, but as the inquiring minds begin to ask questions, you begin to cover up the white lies with more white lies, and before you realize what you are doing, you forget who you really are. You find yourself in weird places in the middle of the night. A tattoo of a mans name appears on your shoulder blade, but (before) you laid down to rest, it wasn't there. You stumble downstairs to find a female (thank heavens) claiming that she is your wife and another female, albeit, smaller in stature, that shares your facial features, tugging on your Joe Boxers, yelling "daddy, daddy, play domihoes with me." and "Daddy, daddy, let's go to A&W and get a root beard floatie" and all the while, you are wondering who this "Jethro" is, and why he has forever stamped you as his property. And, just when you are about to scream, you find.............................

2. I have been clinically diagnosed as having Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Not so much, compulsive. But obsessive, just a mountain sized smidgen. Although, although, I don't, again, I don't agree, it is what it is.

3. My favorite food is pizza. My favorite band is Counting Crows. My favorite one person band is Mat Kearney. My favorite drink is Guinness. My favorite words are savage and curmudgeon.

4. Friends call me Tater (among other things, not considered PG) and my wife calls me her wife.

5. I am extremely uptight and ridden with anxiety. I have an all consuming fear of devil spawns snakes and sharks, but find that when I come across video's, story's, picture's, etc. I cannot peel myself away from investigating further. It helps if either myself, or said animal, or myself and said animal are in seperate cages.

And, that is five things that you may have not wanted to know about me, but unfortunate as it may be, now you do. I'll leave you with song, that may assist in removing any scary images that you may have lingering around your head. So, until next time.

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Haven said...

You're not a hobbit!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so disillusioned.

stacey said...

That's it. I am burning my clothes.
But just because I like the sound of that.
I've never exaggerated on the internet, though, I really don't know what you mean by that. But I have woken up with a man's name tattooed on me that wasn't there before and a wife who calls me her wife (that also wasn't there the night before,) so.... with all that in common, I guess your blog is stuck with this follower, at least until the next time you feel a need to chug the truth syrum before/while posting and divulge this type of information about yourself.
Kidding of course. I mean not about not following your blog after another great reveal, not about the other stuff.
Great post, as always. :)

ib said...

Haven, again, I am sorry. I should have told you sooner.

Stacey, I cannot decipher this comment. If you want to leave me, just say so. I have fessed up, what else do you want me to do? Cut my legs off at the knee, just so your hobbit fetish is satisfied?
The nerve! :)

becca said...

OMG you're not a hobbit i'm devasted going to go to my room and pout..does this mean santa's not real either

ib said...

Becca, being that you are already feeling blue, you might as well know the truth about Santa, as well. He does not slide his tubby butt down your chimney, he waddles through the front door.

stacey said...

Hahaha... you are awesome!! Must I flash back to one of the creepiest movies of all times, something with Jeremy Irons about boxing Helena? you may have to help me interpret yours.....

your blog kicks @ss!



Danger Boy said...

And all this time I thought you'd have a grand finale post where you dropped a ring in a volcano. Imagine my disenfranchisement.

And thanks for your 5 Things. I look forward to many more. But 5 at a time, I suppose, or it'd be 7.2 things on average things I think, which just doesn't roll off the tongue well at all.