Wednesday, July 20, 2011

You Erk Me, I Am Erked.

Yello, and welcome. The hiatus is over, the big top was taken down and the corporate monster that is my employer has again, requested that I work, or at least, give off the impression that I am working. So, that's what I'll be doing for the next eight, but over the past few days, I have been irritated, to say the least, with a few things. THE MEDIA (Shocker?) HOLLYWOOD (Plastic City) N.F.L.P.A. (Babies) and TACO BELL. So, we will start with the circus media.

Dear Media Monster, As a concerned citizen, I must ask that you get a clue. Your constant nagging has just about ran it's course here. Could you go away? Like, forever? I do not want you to drive your news van off of a hillside because you will likely take out innocent people at the bottom of said hill. The last thing that our humanity needs is for more people to die on the account of your dumb asses. I ask that you put your microphones /camera's down, and walk away. It is the least that you could do.

 Hollywood, I must preface this plea with a word of caution. Please, if you happen to live in California or L.A., please, STOP HERE. You need to hear this from someone that lives in the "real world" and not in the Land of Mordor or Beverly Hills. The time for inserting plastic and poisonous liquids into your body must come to an end. Little girls around the world are watching you fake your way through "life" and in turn, are likely forming the wrong impression of themselves and their physical appearance. Your surgically chiseled cheek bones, your surgically implanted watermelon sized tatties and your twenty thousand dollar ascott's are becoming ridiculously annoying. Your even starting to make these kids' parents act crazy. These "parents" are allowing their daughters to go under the knife in an attempt to better their chances of winning Miss "I'm Only Thirteen Years Old"  Teen America, because they want their children to live with a ton of money, but no REAL sense of purpose. Touche!!!!!! Actually, Arnold, can you just go back to your home planet and take the entire city of Los Angelas with you.

N.F.L.P.A., Shut up, sign a deal and get your ass on the field. You are EMPLOYEES. Your EMPLOYER signs your absurdly large paychecks because he is YOUR BOSS. The FANS that cheer you on and buy your jersey's are begging you to come down off of that soap box and look at things from the ground level. You may actually remember that, back in the day, the majority of you were normal people, that had normal people problems.

The Proverbial "Fat Cats" want more loot.
 Taco Bell, is it, or isn't it? It really does not matter how you answer this question. It is not likely that people will stop eating your food, regardless of what your "meat" is made of. I know what you claim and unless it comes out that you are grinding up humans and using them as your "beef", people do not care. I don't mind your food honestly, and on many occasion, you are the only place that is still open when I am on my way home from work, so I have been known to swing in for "fourth meal" or whatever it is that you call it. And, on a more personal note, if you will, could you bring back the BLT Soft Taco? Or, just give me the recipe and I will make my own, with real bacon.


Jennifer said...

Welcome back. As a mother of a teenage daughter I could not agree more. Although I am considering botox because my giant frown line is causing everyone to ask me "whats wrong?" even when nothing is wrong. If they send you the recipe please forward it to me.

ib said...

Jennifer, will do. It is always nice to know that I am not the only person on this planet that remembers/ever knew that BLTST even existed.

stacey said...

awesome post.
the media could probably be added to the list of hollywood erkiness. with daughters, unfortunately, it starts younger than 13 i've noticed.

becca said...

welcome back and omg you mean i'll never look like those women in Hollywood damnit i knew i was in trouble.

ib said...

Stacey, in my eyes, the media is a totally different beast but I see what your saying, and being the father of a little girl, I must ask that you do not tell me these things. I am a obsessive person already and these are the type of things that are going to contribute to my inevitable one way ticket to a padded room or a wooden box.

Becca, I know. When the news was relayed to me, I was broken also, but as it turns out, they eventually become normal looking or even worse. We are gonna be fine.

covnitkepr1 said...

I'm too old to even think about botox.

I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.

ib said...

Covnit, I must admit that I have been following you for a little while, but as you can see, motivation to post and/or comment is hard to come by. I will try to be a better blogger buddy. I read your posts but because I am such a noob in the faith, I do not want to rock the boat by saying something dumb. And yet, I continue posting here. Noob, indeed.

Diego Sousa said...

that was a very clever post.

ib said...

Diego, thank you and welcome to the hobbit. I have returned the favor so I am sure we will be chatting again.