Monday, July 25, 2011

The Final Installment

And, as promised, I'll answer the questions as best as I can, but before I do, please pop over and check out Mynx and Jenny on their own sites. You are wasting your time here, really.

If “pro” is the opposite of “con”, is progress the opposite of congress?
In my humble opinion, progress and congress should never be used with one another for anything, EVER. It is an oxymoron and should only be used when making fun of congress. But, I digress.

If Superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube?
It's an ancient Chinese secret and it will stay that way, cause it's (super) glue, not (mediocre) glue.

If psychic hot lines really employed psychics, wouldn't they call you first?
It's well known that psychic powers only work, traveling one way, via a land line, and that way, is into your billfold or purse or fanny pack. (Please do not tell me if you wear a fanny pack because I will want to hit you in the neck)

If a chronic liar tells you that he/she is indeed, a chronic liar, do you take them for their word?  Telling someone that you are a chronic liar isn't the best way to earn someones trust. So, I may believe you, but I may not trust you.

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

I look at it this way. If it is partly cloudy, your "emo", if it is partly sunny, your "annoying".

If a fortune cookie has an expiration date, does the fortune inside expire also?
If said cookie is expired, then it doesn't really matter if the fortune is expired. You just ate a stale cookie and the chances are good that you will contract some horrible, bacterial infection, go into a coma, and awake only to realize that you are stuck in a never ending version of The Blair Witch Project. This of course, is per Confucius. 

If money doesn't grow on trees then, why do banks have branches?
They are not branches, they are dirty little fingers.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
I would imagine that I wake up first. It would be creepy if I opened my eyes and then, woke up an hour later.

What happens to an irresistible force when it hits an immovable object?
They finish regulation play, only to go into a shoot out that lasts for infin....wait, that's soccer. Never mind.

Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?
Because they would much rather see you get hit in the crotch. There is more to laugh at there.

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?!

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it considered a success?
Yes. Because if a book about failure sells, then you can move on safely, knowing that there are people out there that actually bought it. You has to count for something, doesn't it?

Isn't it a little scary that a doctor's work is called practice?
I don't know. It would be equally as creepy if a doctor referred to his/her practice as being "perfect".

What would you do if you were the last person on this earth?
I would play Putt Putt, frolic around the city in Heidi Klum's lingerie while reenacting the "Fred scene" from
the movie, I Am Legend, and then, I would take a nap. Skadoosh!

And there you have it. My first guests, Jenny and Mynxy. My 100th, 101st & 102nd posts. Thanks to all that came by.


stacey said...

hilarious, as always, though i'm reading back to front here.

Pearson Report said...

Great job Mr. America...title for champ must now be shared equally between the three super continents - Australia, Canada and USA.

I had such fun...let's do it again at 200, okay?!
Start thinking of questions now...because before you know it, bam, 200 hits you in the eye and knocks your yellow cab right over the edge (metaphorically speaking).

I loved I Am Legend! My kind of movie!

Cheers, Jenny

Mynx said...

wonderful answers and it looks like all three of us are on a similar wavelength.
Jenny crack another bottle and order the pizza, time for us to sit back and toast this wonderful guy and congratulate him on his 100, 101 & 102 posts.

Thank you so much for inviting me to be involved. I was truly honoured and like Jenny, hope you invite us back for #200
Big Hugs

ib said...

Stacey, if you read these, end to beginning, there may be a hidden message containing the true identity of WHO killed the Zutons.

Jenny & Mynx, 200 it is. Well have to brainstorm on a different format. If I continue to post at my current rate, (yeah, right) I will be ready for number 200 by Saturday. Thanks for helping out. You are two of the coolest chicks in the world, along with a few blood relatives and my in-laws.

becca said...

awesome stuff as always loving these post and enjoying them throughly

Shanda said...

So glad to finally have the answers to these questions I have been pondering for years LOL

ib said...

Becca, thank you. It's all Mynx and Jenny. I am but a messenger.

Shanda, I am happy that you are now armed with the answers to these important questions.