Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Pirates? I don't like pirates. They smell like cabbage.

Arrrrrrrgggggggh. Deer's a foul feeling on the open sea. I be your captain, ib, and this be your Wushi Finger Wednesday post, you swabs!!!!

Okay, so I am no Jack Sparrow. I'm just an average guy, living an average life. I have never plundered a ship for it's jewels and women. I have never lost an appendage while in the midst of a sword fight and in turn, I don't have a peg leg, nor do I have any need for implementing a hook where once was a hand. I delete all spam and I don't eat green eggs and ham. Besides, ninjas like myself do not fall victim to the hands of mear mortals. We spar to (their) death with them for (practice). There is not a pirate that I have met that I thought was a stand up guy. Whether they are from Somalia, Pittsburgh or Seton Hall, it does not matter. Pirate = poop.

That said, let's hand out a Wushi or two.

Someone has watched Curse of The Black Pearl far too many times. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Somali Pirates. I would not use the word pirate. Back in the days of pirates, I don't recall ever reading about Black Beard tooling around the Caribbean in a speed boat or using sonar. Real pirates use swords, not assault rifles. Real pirates fire canons, not rocket propelled grenades, and they don't call reporters via cell phone to push a political agenda. You effing savages. You need to find a flipping ROLE MODEL. I role model like..............

I fight gangs for local charities and stuff!!





Last week, Japanese scientists ex placed... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
----Napoleon Dynamite

Randy: "I can kick your butt Napoleon."
Napoleon: "Nu Uh ! Only one of us here knows the secret ninja moves from the government."

---- Napoleon Dynamite

I am Audi 5000.........G.


Drake Sigar said...

"Boat bandits" just didn't have the same ring to it. The very mention of Pirates however, spreads fear and awe!

Jumble Mash said...

Stupid pirates...

becca said...

awesome post

ib said...

Drake, leave it to the media to inspire fear and awe.

JM, they are stupid, indeed.

Becca, thank you.

HavenNyx said...

Ahaha love it. And I love The Princess Bride.

ib said...

Haven, Princess Bride is a classic. As well as The Holy Grail. Two movies that can get make me laugh my way into a better mood.

Anonymous said...

You had pirates, mentioned the Black Pearl (made me think of Johnny Depp), Princess Bride AND Napoleon Dynamite all in one post!!!

This, my dear ib, is why I like your Wushi fingers so much...four things I love in one post!

ib said...

AP, I am here for your enjoyment. It is in my nature to serve, and serve I will.