Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Birth of Naughty

Pig Tails.
Some women wear them cause "they are fun".
Some don't wear them, but there are many who do. These women are the topic of today's post.
A couple of posts back, I had to share with you, five of my guilty pleasures, and they were as follows:

1. Watching Women's Soccer.

2. Watching the head settle on a newly poured glass of stout.

3. Hunting cyber terrorists, PS3 style.

4. System of a Down.

5. Ladies that wear they're hair up in Pig tails.

Now, I must fill you in as to why pig tails hit my daddy button.

It was Friday night. My two best friends (Chewy & Miller) and I always started the weekend off by meeting at Chew's apartment for the weekly Friday night pre-load. Each one of us would stop by the liquor store, find weird and off the wall beer, purchase a six pack and have a few cold ones before we ventured out into the night. This night began like any other. Three sixer's of weird beers, all of which had extremely high alcohol content, a pie and conversation.
As we sat on the deck, we started in on why females were evil. (At that time, the three of us got kicked to the curb by long time girlfriends that, "wanted to experience college with no strings", or, as we heard it, they wanted the freedom to get liquored up, allow random dudes to tap that ass and not have to worry about what we would think) So, we did what most enginerds would do, we began to compile a list of the evil deeds that women do. But, at some point, we went from compiling a list of the evil deeds to compiling a list of things that women do to solidify "naughty status". And, here are the top five:

1. Any woman who wears a ball cap while wearing a bikini top and short shorts. NAUGHTY
2. Any woman that can bend over, touch the ground flat handed with out buckling at the knee. NAUGHTY
3. Any woman that would rather go commando. NAUGHTY
4. Any woman that wears a Catholic schoolgirl uniform that is not Catholic and/or is not enrolled in a school that requires it's students wear uniforms. NAUGHTY
5. Any woman that wears they're hair in either pig tails or a pony tail. NAUGHTY

If one of us happened to find a lady that fit any or all of these criteria, it was agreed upon that it was necessary, for the betterment of mankind, to generate proof of the naughty, i.e. polaroid, video via cell phone, etc. I will admit that during the year that this list had become law, not one of us was able to find such a woman, BUT,
I must confess,
pig tails may have been the driving stimulus used on the night that my daughter was concieved. One cannot be sure, but I will contend that it did not worsen the chances.

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Beth said...

Not sure that I approve of the pictures!

bruce said...

not sure what this post lost me a pigtails...

i mean i was all in at naughty...

and the...i don't know...

excellent post! i will have to come by and try to read it a few more times!

bruce johnson jadip
stupid stuff i see and hear
Bruce’s guy book
the guy book
Dreamodel Guy

becca said...

this is why i do not understand male minds how do go from pigtails to naughty or vise verses i got lost. then again it could be just because i'm blond. great post

ib said...

Beth, my love, I am sorry for the racy pictures. I will remove them at once. Love you, shmoopy poopy.

Bruce, I am in trouble so anything that I put here could be used against me in the high court of my darling wife.

Becca, I don't understand the male mind. When drinking strong beer, it is easy for us dudes to become a touch random. It is not because you are blonde dear, it is because you are mentally superior to males.

I am Jacks's big dumb Enabler.

hed said...

Nice! Do men have a naughty counterpart? All I know is that if a dude has the hip bone line things, I melt.


bruce said...

i got the gist of the post now, without the pics...still a great post!~

ib said...

Hed, I am not sure about a guys naughties, I would imagine it could be done but not by me. That's not how I roll girl.

Bruce, sorry for the confusion. I was trying to supply the reader with visual stimulus but my dear sweet wife thought that I was over stimulating.

Chief aka Dad said...

I love naughty and Beth, I made him post the pictures...(I got your back ib)

Mynx said...

Blog loving at my place. Hugs x

Krissy said...

Well, hell. What does that say about me that 2 of those are true? Just to clear up confusion #2 and #5 (b/c of ponytail, not pigtails). #2 I can't help after all of the years of gymnastics and dance growing up. Now I know I would have been seen as naughty in college. :)

ib said...

Krissy, I can only conclude that you are a naughty, naughty young lady, and that is a good thing. Naughty is not always a bad thing. Gymnastics made the naughty list and in fact, #2 is a direct off shoot of that, but gymnastics was #10.

Random Girl said...

Just doing my homework here ib to make sure I do indeed deserve to be on the naughty list. Yes, yes I do. I will leave it at that. Too fun!

Hannah said...

Finally found this list. And yep, I think I qualify so far.