Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Today, Nana stopped in to watch Bear so my wife and I, (to my delight), could finish our Christmas shopping. So, as we waited for Nana to arrive, I did what any man would do before subjecting himself to consumerism hell. I packed up my kitchen knives, grabbed my wooden stakes, rubbed garlic over my entire body and said a prayer to the good Lord for protection while we were among the mutants that have infected our city.

First stop, Walmart. This Walmart is unlike any I have been to before. There is at least one representative for every nationality in the store at any given time. This does not concern me because I become a mute when fetching groceries or whatever and up until today, I had become very proficient using tunnel vision when in store. In and out, get what I need, get out as fast and furious as my stubbies would allow. But today, I became keenly aware of my surroundings. I noticed the man that was wearing an Oscar Meyer Wiener baseball cap, complete with little plastic wieners attached to springs on the top of the hat, so when said subject moved, even slightly, his wieners bounced and frolicked atop wiener man's head piece.

There was also the lady that looked as if she had been rolled in Guerrilla Glue and thrown into a dumpster chalk full of colored wrapping paper. Behind her, walked two young women, I am guessing they were 18 or so, with reindeer antlers strapped to their heads. And here I was, thinking this whole time that the "Patrons of Walmart" emails I receive on occasion were not actual patrons. They could not be. Who wakes up in the morning and thinks that an Oscar Meyer wiener hat is the hip thing to wear? I'm no fashion critic and Lord knows I am stuck back in the 90's grunge era but damn. If I had the gull, I would have taken a picture of this dude just in case someone questioned the accuracy of my eye witness account, but I could not sink that low so all I have is my word.

Thanks again to all of you that have popped in here. I am truly grateful and hope that I can keep yous all interested enough to come back every once in a while.




12 comments:

Dad said...

I love Walmart...such an electic collection of goods and patrons...besides, BigSister works at one and has forbidden me to shop anywhere else :-)

P.S....have you picked up Black Ops yet? It's pretty good.

ib said...

Walmart is cool, just have to block out the effing weirdo's that are there on occasion.

I rented Black Ops a few weeks ago. I like it's upside. I don't like change and there are a few that erked me. I unfortunately have fallen victim to red death. My console is among the dead. I am trying to fix it but it is not happy.

bruce said...

very good that you rubbed yourself with garlic...i would have prolly forgotten that step...

Bruce
bruce johnson jadip
And
evilbruce
stupid stuff i see and hear
and
The guy book
the guy book

ib said...

It's not so much a deterrent as much as it is used to become one with the experience.

Jumble Mash said...

What's wrong with a wiener hat? Should I throw mine out? :)

ib said...

Mash, any respectable young woman should always have a wiener hat just in case. This is something you should have learned in high school dear.

Chief aka Dad http://unsoundreasoning.blogspot.com said...

I'm all sad now...I hate hearing about a gamer without a console :-(

ib said...

It is sad indeed. Christmas is around the corner. Maybe, my wife has informed the family of this tragedy, and in turn, they will right a wrong.

Krissy said...

Love it! JM told to me head this way with her Giggle button, and I'm so glad she did. Walmart is the place to find any number of strange creatures, but I would have loved proof of the wiener hat.

http://talkativetaurus.blogspot.com/

Chief aka Dad http://unsoundreasoning.blogspot.com said...

ib....c'mon over...I have 3 Xbox consoles hooked up at my house..I'll share !

AbsolutelyPrimed said...

This is stellar! Perhaps the body garlic is what attracted the wiener hat...

I can't stop laughing at the image of the 'bouncing' & 'frolicking' wieners!

Thanks for the laugh :o)

ib said...

AP, thanks for stopping in. If I ever see that hat again, I am so going "straight to video" with it. Happy you got a kick out of it.