Saturday, November 27, 2010

Bloody Savages.

This morning, my daughter and I were peeping a couple of cartoons when, during a commercial break, the local news chimed in to inform the herd that "traffic is extremely heavy in area's whereby malls and department stores are located. Officer blah, blah of the blah, blah, blah Police Department asked the good people of our fair city to use common sense when driving and slow down." And after that brilliant bit of advice, in which I am extremely thankful for, because I would have kept not using common sense while I weaved in and out of traffic and mowed down pedestrians in my haste to acquire the last (Tickle Me You Perv Elmo), the anchor continued on to show a clip of the scene at 2:00 a.m. in New York yesterday morning. Allow me a moment to describe the scene as I interpreted it's unfolding.

A typical Wal-Mart discount department store i...
The time, 1:58 a.m. Black Friday. The scene, WalMart Superstore.
As they held fast, consumers wanting to take advantage of the incredible savings on Black Friday readied themselves as the doorman hobbled down the aisle. Such a proud moment for him that is bestowed the key to unlock the door to mystical savings. Anticipation runs thick through the crowd. The people amongst the front row began to fight for position, knowing that a slip up here could cost them their life or more importantly, the opportunity to purchase a 48" LED TV at (out of this world savings).
Someone from the back row begins to trash talk, hoping to impose his will on the front rowers, in the same fashion as a safety in the NFL would, planting a seed of fear in any wide out that dare cross the middle. The anticipation begins to turn into panic. It's now or never. Damn it, that old fart is just now getting to the door. As the door begins to swing open, the madness begins. As the angry mob begins its onslaught, a lady with cane falls to the cold floor and is immediately engulfed by a wave of angry holiday shoppers. The scene is reminiscent of "The Running With The Bulls", as the weakest of the pack are flung to the side by the alpha-shoppers. You can see it in their eyes as they run past. Fear, falling from their bodies like burnt skin (Jim Morrison Reference) The lucky survivors from the front of the mob begin to distance themselves from the pack. They have survived the initial surge, but now that they have made it to the toy aisle, they must still find, purchase and exit the building alive before they can rest in victory, comfortably in their slumber. 


Drake Sigar said...

Savages is an apt word. There is no humanity in those people’s eyes as they trample old women down for a few bucks. Store employees should be armed with shotguns, that’ll give those scum pause for thought.

ib said...

Drake, I am happy to see that we again agree. I was beginning to wonder if Dewayne was going to drive a wedge through our blogship.

Savages indeed.

Drake Sigar said...

Yes, luckily we are united. By our hatred for things. Isn't that nice?