Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Why Did It Have To Be Snakes ?

Hello and again, thank you for stopping in. I appreciate those of you who have visited. Let us blog, shall we? Along with O.C.D., I have a few other quirks but I would like to concentrate on one that has haunted me since I can remember.Along with the aforementioned anxiety, obsessive thoughts and a slightly larger waist line, I also have ophidiophobia.

Does anyone know what this is? No? Okay, I'll tell you. The term uses the Greek words for snake (Ophis) and fear (Phobia) or, having a fear of snakes. Or, as I prefer to define it, "screaming like a little girl" if one of those death spawn is in or around my safe zone. Just thinking about it gives me the heebee jeebees. It all started when I was about twelve. I remember it well because my mom bought me a pair (Adidas) Shell Toes. A buddy of mine and I were tossing a football around in his front yard, talking about girls when I noticed, what I thought was a piece of green electrical tape, stuck to my shoe. And yes, my buddies and I lived to tape stuff up with colored tape. Now, I know what you are probably thinking. How do you not see a snake latched onto your shoe? And in my defense, I was twelve. I had all kinds of stuff sticking to my shoes and me overlooking something obvious is normal anyways. It was only when that darn piece of "tape" started moving that I looked down and found a Garter Snake having it's way with my shoe. My Mom used to get so mad because I never tied my shoelaces. I wasn't the cool thing to do. And, looking back now, I am happy that I disobeyed my Mothers orders to tie my shoes. If they were tied, I would have been running up and down the street with a snake stuck to my shoe. Shoelaces untied, I was able to jump out of my shoes literally. After a few minutes and a few little puncture marks, the snake  surrendered my shoe and slithered away under a bush. And now, you know the reason for the amount of disdain I have for these evil little trolls. Below are only a FEW reasons why I deem all of those slimy suckers Satan spawn:

The Black Mamba, or "dendroaspis polylepis" for all you snake loving dorks, is widely recognized by many as the deadliest  snake to inhabit our fine planet. It just happens to also be the fastest snake, having been clocked at speeds of 14 MPH. If I was being chased by a Black Mamba, I'd be as good as dead because it can slither around faster than I can run. Luckily, they are only found in southeastern Africa. It's venom is a combination of neuro/cardio-toxin. In short, it causes you to become paralyzed and go into cardiac arrest. Awesome, huh?  There is an anti-venom available but if you happen to be trouncing through the African jungle and get bit by one of these evil grim reapers, you had better be close to the local Redi-Med. It's toxin works quickly, it will kill a full grown man in approximately 20 minutes. The fatality rate for a Mamba bite is 95%. If cornered, it will raise it's head up to three feet off of the ground (chest level) and hiss. If you continue to piss this monster off, it will strike multiple times. In short, it does not want it's victim to get back up. Satan Spawn I tell you, Satan Spawn.

Mozambique Spitting Cobra, commonly referred to as the second deadliest snake in the world. The name rings true because it can bite you or, if you happen to catch it on a lazy day, can spit it's venom in excess of 8 feet, aiming for the eyes to cause blindness. If by chance you encounter a "wuss" spitting cobra, it will feign death to avoid danger, and attack from behind.

The Green Anaconda or, again for the dorks, "eunectes murinus", is regarded by the majority as the worlds largest snake by weight, having been known to tip the "scales" at 550 pounds. It should be noted that most are not quite that large. I however, try not to look at the "positive attributes" of snakes. The Green is the largest of the Anaconda family. They inhabit swampy area's in South America. Their diet consists of mainly birds, pigs and jaguars. What? Jaguars?  Okay, it is not a staple in the anaconda's diet but witnesses can attest to seeing the Green attack, kill and engulf an entire jaguar. On a positive note, they are not venomous, they kill by squeezing the life out of their victim. They have over 100 angled teeth and a fully detachable jaw. Both characteristics enable the Green Anaconda to swallow human sized snacks whole, and with ease. All you have to do is ask Ice Cube and J-Lo. They are so knowledgeable, they made a movie about these snakes. That is only three examples. I need not make mention of the Desert Death Adder (bottom), the Coral Snake (below left) (Awww, it's so pretty, BAM, your toast), the King Cobra (below right) (has ability to inject enough venom in one strike to kill twenty humans), the Russell's Viper (middle) (Generally is not afraid of humans, are extremely aggressive and like the cozy confines of home. Your home.)




So, now you know why I don't do snake. I am (aware) of the fact that most snakes only strike when threatened, but some are extremely aggressive and will attack if you so much as wink and say hi. Northeast Indiana isn't all that bad now that I think about it. I think I'll stick around here for the rest of my life.


Aly K. said...

Just reading that made me shudder. Those snakes you described sound pretty terrifying. I'm not a big fan of snakes either. But this entry was really informative too. Thanks for posting this! I'm definitely going to avoid those snake hotspots now... ^^'

ib said...

Hi Aly, and thanks for chiming in. Luckily, they are nowhere near my current dwelling. I appreciate your comments. You are my best customer thus far. Bravo!